Regret Sets In

Ah such a common break-up theme. I suppose I can't speak for everyone, but I know in my life regardless of whether I am the dumper or dumpee, after the break-up, I feel sad for a little while but then a defense mechanism of sorts kicks in and I think of all the good justifications for the split...

He was too young for me, he cheated on me, he had embarassing body odor, he lacked ambition, he routinely ignored me on the phone while trying to simultaneously play video games, I hated his family, he was stuck-up and boring, he wasn't religious, he was a different religion, he pressured me, he had stupid hair, he had an inferiority complex, he was too short, he was a liar, he was a pathological liar, or in the case of Craig: opposites just don't attract.

And then after a day or so of being comfortable with the break-up, regret sets back in. No. No. Nononono. Wait. I thought I was okay, but I'm not. I'm really not okay. I miss him. I miss his voice and his kiss and dammit I miss his stupid hair. I'll never be able to tease him about cutting (or not cutting) his hair again. Wahhh! I was wrong. I want him baaaaaaack.

Unfortunately, that's just the natural progression of a break-up. A few days or weeks of the back-and-forth emotions and it all works itself out. Oh and it certainly doesn't hurt for there to be a new guy on the horizon. ;)

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FYI: those were all legit break-up justifications from various relationships throughout my life (not all the same guy obviously... thank god).

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“11-21-96. Dear Yraid, I wish Craig would go back out with me again. I really like him and I want him back. He is getting cuter & cuter every day. Ahh I love him! I wish we were still together. Today when I brought my trash back at lunch, Craig was behind me by the garbage cans. Then he started a conversation with me about how he flicked Jordan on the head & he passed out. Do you think he was trying to impress me? Doubt it, he likes me as a friend only (I think). Amazingly, this is the first time we brought our trays up together! He always brought his tray up before me when we were going out! Wow! Strange. Well, to sum up this entry: I WISH CRAIG AND I WERE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS! -Krista I Heart Craig!”

The Impossible Happened

Ten points if you saw that one coming. Just kidding- because I think we could all tell that Craig wasn't my soul mate. So actually, negative ten points if you didn't see that one coming. But thank you for being such an optimist.

How crappy is that? My only goal was to date Craig longer than Jessica... for 2 weeks 1 day. Instead Craig dumped me after exactly two weeks. Yup, I'd say he planned it. Seems like Craig had a two week limit. I'm sure his technique was to date a girl just long enough to shut her (and their annoying friends) up.

Would people really criticize me if I said, "I LOVE RIDER" while dating Craig for a couple days? Would Craig really be threatened by the (remote) possibility of me running off with a TGIF sitcom star? In my adult life, I have never been shy about swooning over celebrity crushes (Josh Hartnett, Jude Law, Gavin DeGraw, etc.) in front of boyfriends. And ya know what, I don't think anyone ever had a problem with it. If they did, it would have just revealed some intense insecurities that I wouldn't have wanted to deal with anyhow.

Hopefully my next middle school relationship will last longer and be more interesting!

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“11-14-96. Dear Yraid, Craig dumped me! When we were walking back from lunch he said to me, “Can we just be friends?” That’s all I remember, the rest was a blur. The last thing I remember him saying was, “you’re not going to go off somewhere crying now are you?” I told him probably not, which was a lie cause my eyes got all watery & I couldn’t concentrate in Social Studies. When I got home, I ran up to my room & burst into tears. How could he do this, how could he lie? It was like he planned it. Today was our 2 week anniversary. Why did he have to dump me on such a happy day? We went out for exactly 2 weeks, 1 hour, and 21 minutes. Whoa! Weird, look 2121! That is now my official favorite number 2121. Backwards it is 1212 so my favorite time now is 12:12. Call me weird, but I still like Craig. I’m also kind of (not really) happy he dumped me. Why? Because I noticed that we are way different & in this case – opposites don’t attract! Well, see ya! Boyfriendless, Krista P.S. Boyfriendless is a good feeling. I feel free now! I can say I HEART RIDER! And no one will care. P.P.S. I’m having a birthday party on the 22nd. 2121!”

My Life is So Confused!

Aw, Craig seemed so sweet giving me a Hershey's *kiss* charm. But then the truth had to come out... he didn't even know why he was going out with me. Oh crap. That's not a good sign. Nooooo this first love was supposed to last foreverrrrrrrrrrrr! Or at least longer than Jessica's record with Craig of two weeks!

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“11-13-96 Dear Yraid, Today Craig found a Hersey Kiss chain on the floor (you know, for a necklace). It was broken, there was no loop to put a chain through. Craig gave it to me. Later in Science, he said, “Too bad that charm is broken. If it wasn’t, you could wear it as a necklace.” Whoa! Cool, he really wanted me to wear it. When I got home from school, I wanted to look at the charm but it wasn’t in my pocket! I LOST IT! AHHH! -Krista P.S. Meghan said she said to Craig, “I don’t see how Krista can go out with you.” Meghan told me he said, “A lot of people ask me how I can go out with her and I don’t really have an answer for that question either!” Is Meghan lying? She wouldn’t lie. Does Craig truly like me or is he just playing games? God help me my life is so confused!”

Will we make it to Friday?!

When I think of how immature I was at age twelve and how young little twelve-year-olds seem to me today, it blows. my. mind. that people trusted me at that age with their INFANTS.

And then I remember how uncomfortable I was the most recent time I held a baby a few months ago, and realize... nope, those parents were right-- I was wayyyy more qualified for childcare at twelve than I am at twenty-five. Not only was I "safe-sitter certified" back in 1996, I was all-pro at feeding babies, burping babies, cooing at babies, changing babies diapers, carrying babies around for hours, etc. Now, I don't even know where to start. I can't relate to babies.

What happened? I think college happened. Four straight years of zero contact with anyone under the age of eighteen. All my nurturing qualities were thrown out the window.

OH god. Know what's scarier yet? Morgan, that baby we watched, is now older than we were when we babysat her. Crap! And Hunter is probably driving now! I. feel. so. old.

And P.S. I hope $5 wasn't half of what we earned!!!

So back to the entry-- What do you think? Will Craig and I last 2 weeks 1 day? Will we date longer than he and Jessica? Is it true love? CAN YOU STAND THE SUSPENSE?!?!!

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“11-11-96 Dear Yraid, On Sat Jaime & I babysat for a 3 yr old (Hunter) & about an 8 month old (Morgan). It was an interesting (ask Jaime) experience – but I got $5 out of it! Then I slept over at Jaime’s- very fun! Today, I called Craig after school. We were both doing our homework. It was funny because we kept swearing because we didn’t understand it or we got something wrong. We got our seats changed in Sci & Math. Now in Sci I still sit by Craig. But in Math, that’s too far apart! Well, I need to go out with Craig longer than Jessica. I’m determined! She went out with him for 2 weeks. So I have to last until Friday which would make it 2 weeks & a day! Well Bye! KRISTA”

Handbook on How to Live Life

First of all, thank you to everyone who emailed, texted, and/or left comments reminding me that I hadn't posted in almost a month. You'll be happy to know I am not dead (however, I did burn the shit out of my finger tonight... please learn from my mistakes-- before you lift an electric stove burner with your bare finger to retrieve a wayward grain of rice, make sure it's not the burner you JUST turned off seconds ago... damn).

Anyhow, my primary excuse for being a shitty blogger recently is that I was on vacation in San Diego all last week and I spent most of October planning the trip. But now that that distraction is over... we can get back to: the 7th day of my relationship with Craig...


"What's more important to me: my life & future OR Craig? Craig!" Oh dear. My decision wasn't between not failing out of school OR dating Craig... or not becoming a teenage mother OR dating Craig... or not smoking crack OR dating Craig. I got two C's... and still had a B average! With two C's on math tests, how would I ever get into college?!? It's kind of cute that I thought my decision between grades and Craig was like life or death, when in the grand scheme of things, who really CARES?

Lying to my Mom (err withholding the facts) and choosing Craig over studying has not come back to haunt me. There has never been a day since where I was like, "Now, damn. If only I had hung up with Craig in 1996 and solved that polynomial equation, I would have gotten that raise I wanted."

Here's a list* of 10 important events from 1996 that I could have cared more about instead of worrying about Craig versus Homework...

• The U.S. launches Operation Desert Strike against Iraq.


• Serious fighting breaks out between Russian soldiers and rebel fighters in Chechnya.


• The Centennial Olympic Park bombing at the 1996 Summer Olympics kills 1 and injures 111.


• Bill Clinton wins his second term in the U.S. presidential election.


• The O. J. Simpson civil trial begins in Santa Monica, California.


• Dolly the sheep, the first successfully cloned mammal, is born.


• Chess computer "Deep Blue" defeats world chess champion Garry Kasparov.


• 2Pac is killed.


• A gorilla saves a three-year-old boy who fell into its 20-foot-deep gorilla enclosure.


• Sri Lanka wins the Cricket World Cup against the tournament favorite Australia.

* Thank you wikipedia.

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“November 7, 1996 Dear Yraid, Usually, Craig calls me cause I ask him to. Today, he called m & I didn’t even mention anything about the phone at school today! I got really bummed today at lunch cause Craig sat w/ his friends & Jessica & Kara (2 people who have gone out with him) said that meant he didn’t like me. Imagine that! I believed them! Then Lisa & Jessie started telling me how I act differently around Craig. They told me I act like I’m really cool & sophisticated. Yeah right! When I’m around Craig, I usually acted weirder than I do around my normal friends. I HATE LISA! SHE’S A BITCH! BITCH! I had Mat for Content Lit today (Content Lit is after lunch). Mrs. Chandler passed our tests, graded. I got 2 C’s! That is really bad for me! I knew that if I show Mom she’ll ground me & apparently so did Craig. He told me, “Don’t show them to your Mom cause then you won’t be able to go to the movies & that won’t be good.” I want to show Mom, but I want to go to the movies! What’s more important to me: my life & future or Craig? Craig! Is that the right answer? I don’t’ know! I wish there was a handbook on how to live life! I think I’ll pretend I got the test next Monday so then I can go to the movies & Mom can still ground me – just 4 days later. I also got a C in Social Studies. I’m definitely not showing that to Mom because it doesn’t matter because for 1st quarter I have a 98.5 in Social Studies. Here are my 1st quarters: LA:A SCI:A 98.8% MATH:probably B SS:A 98.5%. Craig gave me his school picture today, I gave him mine. I put his in a little heart picture frame by my bed. When I was on the phone w/ Craig, I’m pretty sure he was looking at my picture! Why? Because he said, “You know, you’re wearing all black in your school picture?” About 2 minutes later he said, “You know if you hold a picture a certain way it reflects light?” I’m very sure he likes me, I just hope I could raise my Math grade! -Krista I LOVE CRAIG! DUH!”