Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Toni Braxton & R Kelly Define Me

Happy Holidays everyone!

I instantly recognized the first song as "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton. For Christmas that year (1996), I asked for Toni Braxton's and Keith Sweat's CDs because I loved the songs "Unbreak My Heart" and "Nobody". I loved them because they reminded me of Craig and Doug and Mike and all the other boys that didn't like me... or pretended they liked me just to shut me up and then dumped me after a two week limit. After I got those CDs for Christmas, I'd put the songs on repeat and bawl my eyes out thinking about how lonely and heartbroken and loveless I was. I soon grew to hate Toni Braxton and Keith Sweat. Why did I want those stupid CDs just to torture and depress myself?

A few years later, I tried to get rid of the CDs by selling them to a CD/Game Exchange store and the jerks wouldn't take them. Ugh. I think I may still have them somewhere back home. Who wants them?? Any takers? Word of warning: they will not help you recover from a recent breakup, they will only make you feel worse.

HOLD UP-- Apparently I never really listened to the lyrics of "Nobody" by Keith Sweat. Certainly Santa didn't preview this CD before giving it to a 13-year-old...
And who can love you like me
Who can sex you like me
Who can treat you like me now, baby
Nobody, baby
And who can do it like me
And who can give you what you need
Who can do you all night long
Nobody, baby
What in the WORLD? Who knew? To little 7th grade me, the message of this song was simply "I'm the best person for you and we belong together." The sexual stuff was wayyy over my head. Weird.

Anyhow, I didn't recognize the lyrics of the second song. Turns out it's "I Can't Sleep Baby (If I)" by R Kelly. I listened to it and honestly, I don't remember it. Maybe if I would have asked for the R Kelly CD instead of the Keith Sweat CD, it would be a different story. As a side note, who would have thought that the sensitive and respectful-looking man in the "I Can't Sleep Baby" video would go on to create such musical gems as the "Trapped in the Closet" series and "Sex in the Kitchen"... oh not to mention that whole child porn thing...

Here are some links in case you want to go back in time and re-live those classic 90s songs...
Toni Braxton
Keith Sweat
R Kelly

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“11-29-96 Dear Yraid, Hello. Thanksgiving was great. Really good food. We ate at Nana’s. Today I went to see “Jingle All the Way” with Lianna, Seth, Abri, & Mike. That was a good movie. Arnold Schwarzenegger was great in that movie. Mom I sick. She has a migraine & she’s throwing up. They (Mom & Dad) went to the hospital this morning. The doctor gave her some shots & she’s been sleeping all day. She says she’s feeling better- I hope that’s true. Even though Craig & I broke up (& we only went out for 2 weeks) I still really like him. So maybe I’m a little bit mad at him for dumping me, but I don’t hate him. I only want him back. I really love him. He means everything to me. I still have his picture in the heart frame by my bed. I’ve cried every night since. Just to think about how he cared & acted like he loved me the very day before- before he dumped me. Remember how he gave me that Hershey Kiss, that Hershey KISS. I wish I wouldn’t have lost it. “Unbreak my heart, say you love me again. Undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door, walked out of my life. Uncry these tears. I’ve cried so many nights. Unbreak my heart.” Why did that perfect life have to end? And he thinks I don’t care. I don’t have feelings for him anymore. Well, I do. I do. Who could get over him? “I can’t sleep, baby. I can’t think, baby. I can’t live baby without you in my life. Don’t wanna go on baby. This is my soul baby. Don’t wanna do anything without you.” Those songs are so true. I can barely listen to the radio anymore because most of the songs I can somehow relate to me & Craig & then I start to cry. I start to cry like I’m crying now. I wish I could turn back time – Batman. Don’t ask. If you want to know, ask one of my friends.”

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I'll Leave Craig Something in My Will


Before I start, there's probably two things you're wondering about. First of all, I used to write the names of all the guys I liked in the back of my diary... so that's what I meant when I said I didn't like Richard "enough to write his name in the back". Secondly, I guess I went through a phase when I called myself "Batman". Yes, I had moved on from Supergirl to Batman. I don't understand or remember why.

Okay, now that that's out of the way...

I'll leave Craig something in my will??? Where did that come from? What does that even mean? I like him, I want him back... so I'll leave him something in my will. That will SURELY win him over... once I'm dead. WTF?

And then Mike and Kara started dating and I gave up on Mike just like that. I guess I must not have liked him that much after all. Well, clearly, considering my only basis for liking him was that he was nice to me at the dance.

I first met Richard in 4th grade when my math teacher introduced him to the class. As the new kid, he was a big deal because he had just moved from Australia which meant two things:
  1. Since Australia's seasons are opposite ours, he was on summer break from school back in Australia but when he moved here, had to start up classes right away, cutting his vacation short. Bummer.

  2. He had a cool accent. Which was super rare in our town. That is, unless you count the kid in 7th grade that my friend Jaime said had a cute accent, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that really, he just had a speech impediment and couldn't say his r's.
Anyhow, when Richard was introduced to us in 4th grade, show-and-tell-style, my friend Stephanie whispered to me, "Ohmygosh, his accent is soooo sexy." I was like, "Um, yeah. It sure is!" Yeah right, I was 10 years old, I didn't know what the hell "sexy" was. Nothing was "sexy" to me. I couldn't have described "sexy" at that age if you would have asked me to. But I just played along because I figured if she used that word, she must have known what she was talking about.

Three years later, even though Richard's Australian accent was long gone, I was starting to see the attraction. I still wouldn't have used the word "sexy", but instead "slightly cute and funny".

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“11-27-96 Dear Yraid, The day after I wrote this entry I couldn’t ask Mike out. Why? Because he asked Kara out. They’ve been going out since then. I don’t like Mike anymore. I still love Craig. I want him back. I need him back. I’ll leave him something in my will. Okay? Anyhow, I want to ask him out again but I don’t want to beg. We’ve been pretty good friends since the breakup. I HEART CRAIG! I kinda like Richard. He’s slightly cute & he’s funny. I don’t like him enough to write his name in the back. He might be too weird for me though. I noticed today that his first and last initials are the same as Riders! Maybe we’re destined for each other! -Batman”

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Pure Heaven


Okay, if you had trouble following that, the "D's" were our family friends who lived next door to the "F's" (Mike's family). Jessie's family lived behind the "D's" so all three of their families were pretty good friends. Make sense?

I'm not sure if the topic of CCD came up in my diary entries before, but in case it didn't... CCD = Catechism... the classes we little Catholic kids had to go to every Sunday to learn about our faith. Some folks called it Sunday School. My friends here in Ohio called it PSR. I have no idea what all those acronyms stand for and I have no idea whether there's a difference between the teachings. I'm guessing they're all the same.

I love how Jessie flat-out told me that Mike agreed "hell no" to going out with me and my reaction was... "I might ask him out tomorrow." Gotta love my resilience.

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“11-24-96 Dear Yraid, Today I went over to the D’s for Kory’s B-Day party. Their whole family was over & we were going to have a big dinner. They ran out of room in their refrigerator so they had to keep some of their food in the F’s fridge. Ashleigh & I went over there to put milk in their fridge. Mike was home alone. And Jessie & her friend were over. We stayed & talked with Mike, Jessie, & that girl for about a half hour. It was heaven, pure heaven. Mike ripped on Rachel some of the time. Then we had to leave. At CCD, Jessie told me Mike told her that I asked him out. She said that she said then, “Hell no!” Jessie said hell no to us going out. She said Mike said, “I know” or something. Did he really mean it or was he just saying that? I might ask him out tomorrow. –Krista I LIKE MIKE. DOES HE LIKE ME?”

Thursday, December 3, 2009

My Life is Like a Puzzle

Last time, my life was "so confused" and now it's "so deformed." Haha what interesting words to describe LIFE.

So let's get this straight:

  • Even though Mike is really immature and dating him could hurt my 'rep', now I like him... mostly because he offered to dance with me when I cried over Craig.
  • But Kara likes Mike too... and he danced with her to stop her from crying too.
  • AND Mike is currently going out with Rachel but is breaking up with her soon.
Where the hell was Rachel during all of this???

Poor Ryan. He liked me so much and I was so mean to him. I was far meaner to him than Doug or any of my other crushes were to me. It probably took him half the dance just to get the courage to ask me and then when he did, I always turned him down. One time when he nervously asked me to dance, I ran away, arms flailing, claiming I was a lesbian. Back then, homosexuality was a new and mostly foreign concept to me... "No! I'm a lesbian!" was about as reasonable of an excuse as "No! I'm a Jehovah's Witness!" or "No! I have Restless Leg Syndrome!" (meaning I could somehow tie my minimal knowledge on any of these things to a reason why I couldn't dance with a guy).

I wonder if I ever wrote him that note. I wonder if he ever knew how bad I felt afterward or how guilty I still feel to this day. I'm glad I'm not as big of a bitch anymore. At least I don't think I am?

Of course, I can't end this entry without calling attention to my "really depressful weekend" comment. Haha.

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“11-23-96 Dear Yraid, My birthday party wuz fun but I’ll tell you about that later. DANCE. Worst dance in history! I cried over Craig when ‘I Swear’ came on. Then Mike asked me what was wrong. I said nothing but then he wanted to dance with me (so I’d feel better) before I could say yes, the song was over. Then Kara was crying. Kara likes Mike & Mike danced with her so she wouldn’t cry. Mike was hanging around me for the rest of the dance. He was showing off for me! Does he like me? Well, at that moment, I realized I like Mike. He’s dumping Rachel. I want to go out with Mike! I really like him! Most people think he’s really immature & sometimes he can be. But I found at the dance the other side of Mike. The sweet, considerate side. He’s totally different when he’s not around Jessie. See, if I go out with him, a lot of people will think I’m stupid. Kara will be mad at me & Rachel might be mad at me. I really like him but will it hurt my rep? I know he’s not bad, but most people think he’s a jerk. I’d be much better off with Craig, Ray (if I liked him), or even Doug (if I liked him). I still like Craig a little though. My life is so deformed. It’s a puzzle, just the pieces are scattered. Most of them shaped like a broken heart, my broken heart. I need some reason, sense, I need to be led down the right path. God can you help me? I’m just really confused & I believe this is going to be a really depressful weekend. Something that also ruined the dance was Ryan asked me to dance. I refused. I must have made him feel like shit. I’m crying! I never meant for this to happen! I promise that I will dance with him at the next dance. I have to write him an apology letter. I’m going to. –Krista I HEART MIKE & CRAIG!”

Monday, November 30, 2009

Regret Sets In

Ah such a common break-up theme. I suppose I can't speak for everyone, but I know in my life regardless of whether I am the dumper or dumpee, after the break-up, I feel sad for a little while but then a defense mechanism of sorts kicks in and I think of all the good justifications for the split...

He was too young for me, he cheated on me, he had embarassing body odor, he lacked ambition, he routinely ignored me on the phone while trying to simultaneously play video games, I hated his family, he was stuck-up and boring, he wasn't religious, he was a different religion, he pressured me, he had stupid hair, he had an inferiority complex, he was too short, he was a liar, he was a pathological liar, or in the case of Craig: opposites just don't attract.

And then after a day or so of being comfortable with the break-up, regret sets back in. No. No. Nononono. Wait. I thought I was okay, but I'm not. I'm really not okay. I miss him. I miss his voice and his kiss and dammit I miss his stupid hair. I'll never be able to tease him about cutting (or not cutting) his hair again. Wahhh! I was wrong. I want him baaaaaaack.

Unfortunately, that's just the natural progression of a break-up. A few days or weeks of the back-and-forth emotions and it all works itself out. Oh and it certainly doesn't hurt for there to be a new guy on the horizon. ;)

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FYI: those were all legit break-up justifications from various relationships throughout my life (not all the same guy obviously... thank god).

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“11-21-96. Dear Yraid, I wish Craig would go back out with me again. I really like him and I want him back. He is getting cuter & cuter every day. Ahh I love him! I wish we were still together. Today when I brought my trash back at lunch, Craig was behind me by the garbage cans. Then he started a conversation with me about how he flicked Jordan on the head & he passed out. Do you think he was trying to impress me? Doubt it, he likes me as a friend only (I think). Amazingly, this is the first time we brought our trays up together! He always brought his tray up before me when we were going out! Wow! Strange. Well, to sum up this entry: I WISH CRAIG AND I WERE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS! -Krista I Heart Craig!”

Monday, November 23, 2009

The Impossible Happened


Ten points if you saw that one coming. Just kidding- because I think we could all tell that Craig wasn't my soul mate. So actually, negative ten points if you didn't see that one coming. But thank you for being such an optimist.

How crappy is that? My only goal was to date Craig longer than Jessica... for 2 weeks 1 day. Instead Craig dumped me after exactly two weeks. Yup, I'd say he planned it. Seems like Craig had a two week limit. I'm sure his technique was to date a girl just long enough to shut her (and their annoying friends) up.

Would people really criticize me if I said, "I LOVE RIDER" while dating Craig for a couple days? Would Craig really be threatened by the (remote) possibility of me running off with a TGIF sitcom star? In my adult life, I have never been shy about swooning over celebrity crushes (Josh Hartnett, Jude Law, Gavin DeGraw, etc.) in front of boyfriends. And ya know what, I don't think anyone ever had a problem with it. If they did, it would have just revealed some intense insecurities that I wouldn't have wanted to deal with anyhow.

Hopefully my next middle school relationship will last longer and be more interesting!

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“11-14-96. Dear Yraid, Craig dumped me! When we were walking back from lunch he said to me, “Can we just be friends?” That’s all I remember, the rest was a blur. The last thing I remember him saying was, “you’re not going to go off somewhere crying now are you?” I told him probably not, which was a lie cause my eyes got all watery & I couldn’t concentrate in Social Studies. When I got home, I ran up to my room & burst into tears. How could he do this, how could he lie? It was like he planned it. Today was our 2 week anniversary. Why did he have to dump me on such a happy day? We went out for exactly 2 weeks, 1 hour, and 21 minutes. Whoa! Weird, look 2121! That is now my official favorite number 2121. Backwards it is 1212 so my favorite time now is 12:12. Call me weird, but I still like Craig. I’m also kind of (not really) happy he dumped me. Why? Because I noticed that we are way different & in this case – opposites don’t attract! Well, see ya! Boyfriendless, Krista P.S. Boyfriendless is a good feeling. I feel free now! I can say I HEART RIDER! And no one will care. P.P.S. I’m having a birthday party on the 22nd. 2121!”

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My Life is So Confused!

Aw, Craig seemed so sweet giving me a Hershey's *kiss* charm. But then the truth had to come out... he didn't even know why he was going out with me. Oh crap. That's not a good sign. Nooooo this first love was supposed to last foreverrrrrrrrrrrr! Or at least longer than Jessica's record with Craig of two weeks!

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“11-13-96 Dear Yraid, Today Craig found a Hersey Kiss chain on the floor (you know, for a necklace). It was broken, there was no loop to put a chain through. Craig gave it to me. Later in Science, he said, “Too bad that charm is broken. If it wasn’t, you could wear it as a necklace.” Whoa! Cool, he really wanted me to wear it. When I got home from school, I wanted to look at the charm but it wasn’t in my pocket! I LOST IT! AHHH! -Krista P.S. Meghan said she said to Craig, “I don’t see how Krista can go out with you.” Meghan told me he said, “A lot of people ask me how I can go out with her and I don’t really have an answer for that question either!” Is Meghan lying? She wouldn’t lie. Does Craig truly like me or is he just playing games? God help me my life is so confused!”

Friday, November 6, 2009

Will we make it to Friday?!

11-11-96 Dear Yraid, On Sat. Jaime and I babysat for a 3 yr old (Hunter) and about an 8 month old (Morgan).  It was an interesting (ask Jaime) experience- but I got 5$ out of it!  Then I slept over at Jaime's- very fun!  Today I called Craig after school.  We were both doing our homework.  It was funny becaues we kept swearing because we didn't understand it or got something wrong.  We got our seats changed in Sci and Math.  Now in Sci I still sit by Craig.  But in Math:That's too far apart!  Well, I need to go out with Craig longer then Jessica.  I'm determined!  She went out with him for 2 weeks.  So I have to last until Friday.  Which would make it 2 weeks and a day.  Well Bye!  KRISTAWhen I think of how immature I was at age twelve and how young little twelve-year-olds seem to me today, it blows. my. mind. that people trusted me at that age with their INFANTS.

And then I remember how uncomfortable I was the most recent time I held a baby a few months ago, and realize... nope, those parents were right-- I was wayyyy more qualified for childcare at twelve than I am at twenty-five. Not only was I "safe-sitter certified" back in 1996, I was all-pro at feeding babies, burping babies, cooing at babies, changing babies diapers, carrying babies around for hours, etc. Now, I don't even know where to start. I can't relate to babies.

What happened? I think college happened. Four straight years of zero contact with anyone under the age of eighteen. All my nurturing qualities were thrown out the window.

OH god. Know what's scarier yet? Morgan, that baby we watched, is now older than we were when we babysat her. Crap! And Hunter is probably driving now! I. feel. so. old.

And P.S. I hope $5 wasn't half of what we earned!!!

So back to the entry-- What do you think? Will Craig and I last 2 weeks 1 day? Will we date longer than he and Jessica? Is it true love? CAN YOU STAND THE SUSPENSE?!?!!

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“11-11-96 Dear Yraid, On Sat Jaime & I babysat for a 3 yr old (Hunter) & about an 8 month old (Morgan). It was an interesting (ask Jaime) experience – but I got $5 out of it! Then I slept over at Jaime’s- very fun! Today, I called Craig after school. We were both doing our homework. It was funny because we kept swearing because we didn’t understand it or we got something wrong. We got our seats changed in Sci & Math. Now in Sci I still sit by Craig. But in Math, that’s too far apart! Well, I need to go out with Craig longer than Jessica. I’m determined! She went out with him for 2 weeks. So I have to last until Friday which would make it 2 weeks & a day! Well Bye! KRISTA”

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Handbook on How to Live Life

First of all, thank you to everyone who emailed, texted, and/or left comments reminding me that I hadn't posted in almost a month. You'll be happy to know I am not dead (however, I did burn the shit out of my finger tonight... please learn from my mistakes-- before you lift an electric stove burner with your bare finger to retrieve a wayward grain of rice, make sure it's not the burner you JUST turned off seconds ago... damn).

Anyhow, my primary excuse for being a shitty blogger recently is that I was on vacation in San Diego all last week and I spent most of October planning the trip. But now that that distraction is over... we can get back to: the 7th day of my relationship with Craig...


"What's more important to me: my life & future OR Craig? Craig!" Oh dear. My decision wasn't between not failing out of school OR dating Craig... or not becoming a teenage mother OR dating Craig... or not smoking crack OR dating Craig. I got two C's... and still had a B average! With two C's on math tests, how would I ever get into college?!? It's kind of cute that I thought my decision between grades and Craig was like life or death, when in the grand scheme of things, who really CARES?

Lying to my Mom (err withholding the facts) and choosing Craig over studying has not come back to haunt me. There has never been a day since where I was like, "Now, damn. If only I had hung up with Craig in 1996 and solved that polynomial equation, I would have gotten that raise I wanted."

Here's a list* of 10 important events from 1996 that I could have cared more about instead of worrying about Craig versus Homework...
  • The U.S. launches Operation Desert Strike against Iraq.

  • Serious fighting breaks out between Russian soldiers and rebel fighters in Chechnya.

  • The Centennial Olympic Park bombing at the 1996 Summer Olympics kills 1 and injures 111.

  • Bill Clinton wins his second term in the U.S. presidential election.

  • The O. J. Simpson civil trial begins in Santa Monica, California.

  • Dolly the sheep, the first successfully cloned mammal, is born.

  • Chess computer "Deep Blue" defeats world chess champion Garry Kasparov.

  • 2Pac is killed.

  • A gorilla saves a three-year-old boy who fell into its 20-foot-deep gorilla enclosure.

  • Sri Lanka wins the Cricket World Cup against the tournament favorite Australia.
* Thank you wikipedia.


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“November 7, 1996 Dear Yraid, Usually, Craig calls me cause I ask him to. Today, he called m & I didn’t even mention anything about the phone at school today! I got really bummed today at lunch cause Craig sat w/ his friends & Jessica & Kara (2 people who have gone out with him) said that meant he didn’t like me. Imagine that! I believed them! Then Lisa & Jessie started telling me how I act differently around Craig. They told me I act like I’m really cool & sophisticated. Yeah right! When I’m around Craig, I usually acted weirder than I do around my normal friends. I HATE LISA! SHE’S A BITCH! BITCH! I had Mat for Content Lit today (Content Lit is after lunch). Mrs. Chandler passed our tests, graded. I got 2 C’s! That is really bad for me! I knew that if I show Mom she’ll ground me & apparently so did Craig. He told me, “Don’t show them to your Mom cause then you won’t be able to go to the movies & that won’t be good.” I want to show Mom, but I want to go to the movies! What’s more important to me: my life & future or Craig? Craig! Is that the right answer? I don’t’ know! I wish there was a handbook on how to live life! I think I’ll pretend I got the test next Monday so then I can go to the movies & Mom can still ground me – just 4 days later. I also got a C in Social Studies. I’m definitely not showing that to Mom because it doesn’t matter because for 1st quarter I have a 98.5 in Social Studies. Here are my 1st quarters: LA:A SCI:A 98.8% MATH:probably B SS:A 98.5%. Craig gave me his school picture today, I gave him mine. I put his in a little heart picture frame by my bed. When I was on the phone w/ Craig, I’m pretty sure he was looking at my picture! Why? Because he said, “You know, you’re wearing all black in your school picture?” About 2 minutes later he said, “You know if you hold a picture a certain way it reflects light?” I’m very sure he likes me, I just hope I could raise my Math grade! -Krista I LOVE CRAIG! DUH!”

Friday, October 9, 2009

Every-Other-Day Lunch Table


"November 6, 1996 Dear Yraid, Craig was back in school today. At lunch I sat at our every-other-day-table. At our every-other-day-table, I sit with Craig, Jaime, Doug, & Doug M. Here’s how we sit: sometimes Lianna sits with us. She sits in between me & Jaime. Doug M was scaring Craig so Craig kept moving closer & closer to me. At the end of lunch, we were sitting really close together. Doug broke my lunchbox today. Craig called me today. We talked for about 25min. I could talk forever with him! But Mom doesn’t let me stay on very long. –Krista”

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I think my boyfriend likes me

Craig was out "sick" for our first two school days as a couple. Suspicious.

DUH KRISTA! Don't be too surprised that your boyfriend may like you. You don't have any reason to doubt that... that is, unless you had to BEG him for weeks to go out with you... and he skips the first two days of school in your relationship. Hm.

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“November 5, 1996 Dear Yraid, Craig still wasn’t in school today. I called him after school! He said he’ll be back in tomorrow. He’s giving me his picture & I guess I’ll give him mine (mine stinks, that’s why I said I guess). I think he likes me (WELL DUH KRISTA!). Okay, that was weird. I’ll see you! Krista P.S. We talked on the phone for like 45min! P.P.S. Today is exactly 1 month until my B-Day. I heart Craig! XXXOOO”

Monday, October 5, 2009

I LOVE having a boyfriend!

Craig had such a way with words. "If you were dead, that would not be good" is pretty much the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me. Every girl lives to hear a guy say that to her one day.

I don't think I ever mentioned Ryan before this entry. That's because I didn't like him back, so he was of little concern to me. Instead I pursued a handful of other guys who didn't like me. So backwards.

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“November 1, 1996 Dear Yraid, I LOVE having a boyfriend! It makes me feel special, appreciated and loved. Craig called me. I got his address & phone #. He has both of mine too. For awhile it was me, Craig & Doug talking 3-way. Cool! Me & 2 guys! Awesome. Me, Craig, Jaime, & Doug might go see Romeo & Juliet at Tinseltown tomorrow! Cool! Ahhhh! When I was on the phone with Craig, we were talking about me dying or something. Craig said, “If you were dead, that would not be good, not good at all.” He repeated that about 3 times. He really does like me! He knows just the way a girl wants to be treated and exactly what they want to hear. Today me, Craig, Jaime, Doug, & Lianna sat at a lunch table together. Cool! I’ve gotta go! Krista P.S. I know for sure that Ryan likes me because he admitted it twice! I heart Craig!”

Friday, October 2, 2009

First Boyfriend EVER!


Sorry to ruin the surprise in the title (especially when I had gone through all that effort in the entry to build in suspense with the long string of periods), but this was obviously one of the most monumental days of my youth and I couldn't help announcing it prematurely.

When I was trick-or-treating with my friends that night, all I could think about was that I had a boyfriend. I was so giddy. I don't even think it was a feeling like, "I like this guy SO much, I'm so happy he's my boyfriend now!"... it was more like, "Holy crap! I can say I have a boyfriend now!" A boy, any boy, finally gave in!

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“October 31, 1996 Dear Yraid, BOO! Happy Halloween! Today in Science, we were talking about Moe’s hair. Here’s how the conversation went: CRAIG: Your hair is ugly, Pippi Longstocking. MOE: Then why’s Krista allowed to wear her hair like that? ME: Because I look good in it. CRAIG: Ya. Whoa! Craig likes my hair. But today at 11:55 something unbelievable happened… Craig said YES! We’re going out! Boyfriend-girlfriend! Get the picture??? My first boyfriend! He couldn’t sit with me at lunch today because he had to make plans with Will about Trick-or-Treating tonite. He waited for me after school today. We walked out together. I gave him my phone # & he called me! We talked for about 20 minutes & then I had to go. Well, I’ll be seeing you! Krista I heart Craig!”

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Maybe-Probably


All the incessant pestering and begging from myself and my friends was finally paying off! Good thing the "screaming NO" did not deter me. Sounds like Craig would make an excellent boyfriend.

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“October 29, 1996 Dear Yraid, Oh my GOD! Okay, whenever anyone asked Craig if he’d go out with me, he would always scream no in their face. Today in Science Content Lit, Moe asked him if he would go out with me. He said maybe. Wow! He said maybe! But then I thought, maybe he’s just trying to be nice & didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I remembered that when Moe kept saying “you guys would make a perfect couple” in Science, he didn’t get mad or anything. But I still thought he was just trying to be nice. Well, then at the end of the day at our lockers I said to Craig, “Think about it, okay?” He said, “Okay.” I finished packing my bookbag. Craig then walked over to where I was and said to me, “Okay, I upgraded the maybe to a maybe-probably.” Whoa! That is unbelievable. Gee, I hope tomorrow he says yes! Ooh! I can’t wait! Krista”

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Saturday Detention

Okay, so I promised I’d tell the dramatic (and really embarrassing) story of my Saturday detention.

Here we go!


In 7th grade English class, the teacher had one of those fancy electronic dictionary things where you could type in a word and it'd show the definition. As an added bonus, it would even say the word out loud so that you could hear the pronunciation-- which, in it’s stupid robotic voice, was probably only correct like 80% of the time.


Anyhow, one day, I was using the electronic dictionary and Mrs. Decker left the room. Not long after she left, I found a function on the dictionary that could pronounce whole sentences-- any string of words you typed in. And what does (almost) any 13-year-old do when given this power? Right. She starts typing inappropriate words and phrases.


So I was having the dictionary say things and kids from the class started gathering around me to hear. People were cracking up and I felt like the funniest comedian on Earth. I don’t remember the majority of what I typed… but one phrase sticks in my mind to this day because of how ridiculous it was.
Sometime in elementary school, I learned the phrase "you suck" and then later in middle school, I found out that the phrase had some sort of sexual connotation, but I wasn't sure what. I typed into the dictionary “Maria sucks”… and then took it one step further and finished the sentence obscenely as “Maria sucks Pat.” Totally inappropriate. But I barely knew what I was saying at the time. Regardless, it got quite a reaction from my classmates when I hit *play*. I thought I was the shit.

I continued my talking-dictionary stand-up routine until all of a sudden, Mrs. Decker came back in the classroom. She saw all the students standing around my desk and knew something was up. She snatched the device from me, took it to the front of the room, and hit the button which played the last thing previously typed.


As Mrs. Decker held the dictionary in her hands… it said in it‘s dumb electronic voice…


DECKER IS GAY.


Ohhhhhh crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap. Nonononono.


She walked me down to the principal’s office so fast I could barely process what was happening. Once we got there, the principal phoned my mom immediately (oh crap times 5 billion) and called some of the other students from our English class down to her office to hear their side of the story because I think at this point I was still denying it.

One of the classmates interrogated was my best friend Meghan. She stood against the wall in the office, scared shitless, as the principal grilled her. Meghan, bless her heart, didn’t want to incriminate me and tried to dodge the questions, but I could tell she felt so conflicted… she didn‘t want to get me in trouble, but she didn’t want to lie. She thought I would get mad at her for telling the truth. Meghan started tearing up. How could I see my best friend struggle like that? I let her off the hook and said, “Meghan, you can tell the truth.” She said, “Krista did it” and started crying. I’m not even sure I was crying. Poor Meghan.

And that was how I got a Saturday detention. And was required to write apology letters to everyone I offended.


I don’t remember how long my mom grounded me for but she definitely did not let me off easy. Instead of letting me do homework or crossword puzzles or read a book in Saturday detention, she made me memorize maps of Europe and Asia. Maybe even South America and Africa… I forget.


I typically wasn’t a bully or a bad kid… so I really felt like a failure for screwing up so royally and disappointing my family, teachers, and friends.


In detention, I took a break from memorizing maps and wrote this poem “to” my mom…



---
I’m not, I can’t


I’m not everything you wish I was
I’m not the perfect person
You might think memorizing is what it takes
But I have learned my lesson

I can’t do everything you wish I could,
I get up just again to fall
You really do have faith in me
But I’m not smart at all

I can’t be who you wish I was,
I’m really sorry, don’t you see?
I wish I was who you want
But you are stuck with me

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

SuperGirl is NOT Square

Sorry guys... I promise, next time I'll write about the Saturday detention. I wrote some of it down tonight, but I want to make sure I didn't forget any details! Next time, PROMISE.

Luckily for you though, this is a darn good diary entry...

You're already familiar with how I gave myself the nickname SuperGirl in 6th grade. Of course, Doug turned that into StupidGirl and called me that instead. Jerk.

Yes, Doug somehow managed to date all my friends and not me... even though I was the one who liked him for yearsssss. First, he dated my good friend Rachel in 6th grade... and then he dated my good friend Jaime in 7th grade. Whatev. I wouldn't want a date a guy who called me StupidGirl anyhow.

“I’M NOT SQUARE! I’D DO ANYTHING TO GO OUT WITH CRAIG!” Hahaha. What?!?! That's all I can say. What?!?!

Like I said... Saturday detention next time... promise!!

---
“10-28-96 Dear Yraid, Today I wrote a note to Doug asking him if he’d go out with Jaime & if he’ll get Craig to go out with me. Here’s what he wrote back in his exact words. Dear Stupid Girl, I guess I’ll go out with Jaime. I kinda like her. I will try to get Craig to go out with you. Maybe we could double-date but last time, it didn’t work out that great. Does Jaime like me? Oh well. See ya later, stupid girl! -Doug AKA “CC” AKA Count Demorte. That’s exactly what he wrote. I didn’t’ want to put the note in here because I didn’t. He wants Craig to go out with me! He wants to double-date with me! Is it just me or does it sound like we’re friends? So now Jaime & Doug are going out! Doug wanted Jaime to call him but Jaime told me she didn’t know what to say, so I called him 3-way! Doug & I talked most of the time. We talked about our past together. Jaime didn’t even really talk at all. Jaime told me she asked Craig 6th period if he’d go out with me. She said he said he’s still deciding. Doug said he asked Craig 7th period & Craig said that he thinks I’m square. I’M NOT SQUARE. I’D DO ANYTHING TO GO OUT WITH CRAIG! I told Doug to tell Craig to go out with me. Doug said he would & he’d beat him up if he had to! Wow! Doug really wants us to go out! The 2nd time I danced with Craig, he said “hold on” & she started tangoing with me across the gym. What is that supposed to mean??? It was really weird! Oh & then, on the hayride, Craig accidentally squeezed my knee. I said, “Craig, I find that very flattering, but not right now.” Then as we walked back into school, he kept bending down & squeezing my knees! My gosh! Craig said, “Oh poo-poo” again today. You know, just to see me laugh. Gotta go! Krista I am certainly not square””

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Axe Murder Hollow


Can you believe that? I danced with Craig not once but twice at the Halloween Dance. That was significant progress in my pursuit. Sure, he still turned me down when I BEGGED him to go out with me, but hey, at that point in my life, two slow dances in one night was the most “action” I had ever gotten from a guy. So, I was happy with that.

Enough about Craig, I know the only thing you really want to know about is the Saturday detention.


OH, but wait. Before I get into that, I need to mention one more thing about the Halloween Dance. You know that hayride I so casually mentioned? Well, it caused quite a stir at the time.


The middle school I attended was near a wooded area locally known as Axe Murder Hollow. The school-organized hayride took us down the dirt road through the Hollow. As if that itself wasn’t scary enough to a bunch of sheltered pre-teens, while we drove down that road in darkness, a teacher read the legend to us aloud… which has something to do with gypsies and someone murdering their family with an axe. Definitely a PG-13 story, at least.


Okay, but wait-- that’s not all. It gets better. Just when we were sufficiently creeped out by the story, a classmate noticed women walking out of the woods dressed as gypsies. And then a man came running down the road with an axe. And another man jumped on the back of the hayride wielding a running CHAINSAW. Some kids were laughing but other kids were freaking out.


Who were these people who came out of the woods? Ohhhh just some teachers from my school.


What the hell were they thinking??? Needless to say, there were enough parent complaints that the haunted hayride did not make a return appearance at the next year’s Halloween Dance.


Oh shoot. Looks like this entry is already long enough. I guess the Saturday detention story will have to wait until next time! ;)

---
“10-25-96 Dear Yraid, Today in school, here’s what happened: Monica let me use this top-coat nail polish that smells like vanilla. I told Craig to smell my nails, he did. But then he took my hand back & smelled my nails with a deep wiff. Strange! I got a Saturday detention. I don’t feel like talking about it. Today at the dance, here’s what happened: 1) Hung out with friends; 2) Got in line for the hayride. Craig was giving out Kit-Kat bars. He only had 2 & he gave them to Doug & ME!; 3) On the hayride, Doug took off my shoe & put hay in it! Doug put hay in my hair. Doug & I talked. Craig & I talked. Craig rubbed my leg (not on purpose though). I asked Craig if he’d dance with me. He took a second to think & then he said, “Fine, as long as your stupid friends stop bugging me!” (Jaime & other people had asked him before); 4) So, I danced with Craig to “I Swear”. It was so fun. Ahhhh!; 5) Hung with friends; 6) Asked Craig if he’d dance with me again. He thought about it and finally said YES!; 7) Danced with Craig (I forget what song). Ahhhh!; 8) As we danced, I asked him out. He thought & thought for the rest of the song & hung his head. He said, “I don’t really want to go out with anyone right now.” I begged him & begged him but finally I just exceeded what he said. 9) Talked with Doug some more. He said he’d talk to Craig about going out with me. Well, that was the dance! Fun beginning, tragic ending. Boo-hoo-hoo! Well, I’ve gotta go! Krista Craig hates me (I think). P.S. I touched Craig’s hair again. P.P.S. He temporarily dyed it green. P.P.P.S. The 2nd time we danced, we were really close! Ahhhh! I heart Craig!”

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Radio Show Clip #24

Okay okay sorry... I know it's been like 5 days since the last time I posted. I don't want you guys to think I'm back in the hospital again or anything crazy! I'm fine, just busy.

I also know that I previously only posted radio show clips on Mondays... but the next diary entry is going to be major and I want to give it more time than I have now. Hint: it's about me getting in BIG trouble at school.

So without any further ado, here's the long-awaited (haha riiiiight) final part of the trip to the museum. Remember, when we left off, I had just rescued my co-host Eddie and the museum curator Christina from a hole in the ground.

I physically pulled Eddie and Christina out of a deep hole using a rope and Eddie was the one who was tired and had to go home? What a wuss.

Clearly the best part of this clip was the mid-90's music montage at the end! Gotta love that.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Anorexic?

1. Awesome Trapper Keeper reference #2! They were such a big part of our youth. Are kids still using them today? Are there any teachers out there that can answer that?

2. Ugh. Me? Anorexic? Unfortunately I have always struggled with being naturally super skinny. And yes, I say 'unfortunately' and 'struggled' because it's embarrassing... especially in middle school when all the girls were getting curves and stuff and I still had (oh and still do have) the stick-thin unsexy body of a 10-year-old boy. Not particularly attractive.

This diary entry makes me kind of sad because it was probably one of the first times someone had accused me of being anorexic and at this point I was able to just shrug it off and call Craig "weird" for saying that. But once people bring something like that up again and again, you start to think there's something wrong with you and it's not as easy to ignore.

People thought it was funny to call me anorexic, but after awhile, saying "OMG you're SO skinny" to me felt no different than if you were to tell an overweight person, "OMG you're SOOOOO FAT!". You would never comment on a chubby person's weight like that, so what made it okay for people to openly criticize my body? It's just as hard (if not harder) for me to gain weight as it is for someone to lose weight. In middle school, I used to eat two PB&J sandwiches for lunch
along with whatever other snacks I ate... which is a lot of food for a little girl, but it didn't make a difference.

I guess there's no real conclusion for this rant, so I'll stop now. Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer! :P

3. Ewww more making faces as flirting! Gross! Can. Not. Relate.

4. OMG I touched his hair! Can you believe it? Scandal! Isn't that like, what, first base with a guy? ha...

---
“October 23, 1996. Dear Yraid, Hello! I have some things to tell you that I forgot about. 1) Awhile ago we rented a movie from Blockbuster. They were giving out free stuff & I got a plastic pencil case to put in a Trapper (with zipper & 3 holes). Well somehow it got in my Math book & when I noticed it was there, I asked Craig if he wanted it. He said yes & took it. Now he has it in his Trapper holding all of his pencils! He actually uses it. Just think, every time he goes to get a pencil or just opens his Trapper, he sees the pencil case and probably thinks of me! 2) Just about every day in Math, Craig holds a pencil in front of his face, looks at it while it’s pointed at me, & says, “Whoa! Where did you go?” Most girls would take this as a complement (I kinda do) but Craig thinks I’m anorexic- at least that’s what he said. He’s so weird. 3) That weird face he does is so funny. Well, like the “Poo-poo” issue, he does that face about every day in front of me, I think , just to see me laugh. What he does is sticks his fingers in his mouth, pulls down the skin around the bottom of his eyes, looks up, & sticks out his tongue about every second. It’s so funny! I wish you could see it. 4) I touched Craig’s hair today. It feels funny! Ahhh! See ya! -Krista”

Thursday, September 10, 2009

By Special Request...

So, the other day I received an email request from my friend Shea.

She recently came across an old literary journal from college that I had contributed to and noticed the biographical statement that I had written for myself:

"Krista is a senior computer science major from Erie, PA. The first poem she wrote was an ode to Shawn Hunter from Boy Meets World in fifth grade. Also, her favorite food is cheese."
Shea requested that I post that very first poem here, on my blog.

Lucky for Shea (and for the rest of you), I still have the original copy of that poem. Enjoy...



My biggest problem with this poem is... aside from being a word that rhymes with "Rider", what the hell is a "guider"? And how is it different from a "guide"? And how did Rider Strong personally guide... err... guider me? Did he send me secret messages in my sleep? Did I watch episodes of Boy Meets World looking for signs... maybe in the way he ran his hand through his hair? At night, did I kneel next to my bed and pray to Rider Strong? I don't get it.

I do also love that it was qualified with "all-time". As if there was a Hall of Fame for "guiders". Awesome.

As a final note: I'm pretty sure I snail mailed this poem to Rider Strong as fan mail back in the day. I wonder what he thought of this masterpiece. He never did write back. :(

---
Rider Strong
by: Krista

I love you Rider,
My all time guider.

I’m the one you never knew,
Rider I’ll always love you.

You’re the only one I love,
You’re the one I’m writing of.

You are so cute
There’s nothing more,
I’m loving you in ’94

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

One of the Best Tuesdays in History

Yes, I know. I haven't written in a week. But this time I have the mother of all excuses: I was in the hospital. Don't worry, I'm fine... still recovering, but fine. To make a long story short, I had a large (read: grapefruit-sized) ovarian cyst that ruptured. I had to have emergency surgery Friday night to remove all the blood from my abdomen and to stop any further internal bleeding. I was in the hospital for three nights and am now resting at home. Phew. What an exciting Labor Day weekend, right? :P

Onto the entry!


One of the best Mondays in history followed by one of the best Tuesdays in history?! What are the chances?! How simple life was in seventh grade. Just perceiving that a boy was acting like he liked you was enough to give your day the incredible status of one of the BEST DAYS in HISTORY.

What's the deal with me wanting to touch Craig's hair? Was this a normal desire for pre-teen girls? And get this- Craig didn't even have hair that "goes like this"... he had a buzz cut! Odd.

---
“October 22, 1996. Dear Yraid, Today is one of the best Tuesday’s in history. Today, Craig really acted like he likes me. In math we talked like usual. Nothing strange there. But in Math Content Lit is where it all changes… There was a really stern sub. She was really easy to annoy. The 1st thing she said when we all got in the classroom was, “You make it hard on me, I’ll make it even harder on you.” She was a real bitch. Anyhow, because Mrs. Chandler (the real Math teacher) didn’t leave a lesson plan, she gave us a study hall. Mark & Jaime (they sit next to each other, not by choice) were making fun of her, whispering & drawing pictures. They wanted me to sit with them. I told them that I probably wasn’t allowed. The real reason I said that is because I wanted to stay with Craig. But then Mark asked the mean teacher lady if I could sit with them. Surprisingly, she said yes! So because I was forced, I did. Craig noticed I was over there and mouthed to me, “Sit here.” I mouthed, “I’m sitting here.” He mouthed, “Sit here.” Then I again mouthed, ‘I’m sitting here.” Then he mouthed, “You’re not allowed!” I mouthed, “The teacher said I could.” Then he went back to his work with a frown. I really think he wanted me to sit with him! The teacher lady let us have a 10 min free time at the end of class. Craig came over to Mark, Jaime, & my table. We started talking. It was really funny, oh and fun. Lianna was there for part of the time. These 2 days have convinced me that Craig will most likely dance with me on the 25th. I really hope he does! God, please let Craig dance with me! Craig once in math said, “Oh, poo-poo!” I started laughing! Now he says it all the time, I think just to see me laugh. Well that’s all! -Krista I heart Craig! I want to touch Craig’s hair!”

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

One of the Best Mondays in History

It's been so long that it's hard to remember the time when making weird faces was considered flirting. Similar to my thoughts on bra snapping in the last post, if an adult man today were to consistently make faces at a woman, the last thing she'd think would be, "hehe oooooh I think he likes me!!" More like, "What's the deal with THAT guy?!" Even if she was attracted to him originally, pretty sure the face-making would be an immediate turn-off. Not a turn-on.

It's an interesting thing that even though I am the same person, I can barely relate to or understand my younger self. Hm. Now that's deep. :P

---
“October 21, 1996. Dear Yraid, Today is one of the best Mondays in history. Today, Craig really acted like he likes me. Although he still makes fun of me. I forget most of the things he said to me today, but when I remember, I’ll tell you. In Science Content Lit, he was my partner. I don’t know how it actually happened, we just started working together! He does this really weird face that is so funny! You have to see it! Catch ya later! -Krista”

Monday, August 31, 2009

Bra Snapping

Technically it's Monday... and typically Monday means radio show clip day. But two radio show clips in a row would be no fun and I have many reasons for being a horrible blogger. You see... last week was not only crazy at work, but crazy at home too. On Wednesday, my friends Michelle, AJ, and I succeeded at making a mess of my kitchen while failing to cook Duck a l'Orange. On Thursday, my friend Jess from college was in town. And on Friday, I left for a fun and relaxing weekend in Put-in-Bay with Michelle, AJ, and our significant others.

Work this week is sure to be even more hectic, but someone I know you're familiar with from this blog is staying with me this week: Lianna, my best friend since kindergarten. :) Yay!

So enough boring shit and excuses. Onto the entry...


Bra snapping. What in the world? How long was this a cool thing to do... a couple months? Surely it didn't continue into high school. And definitely not into adulthood. Can you imagine sitting at your desk at the office today while a coworker tip-toes up behind you and snaps your bra before running away, giggling? I wonder why they didn't address that scenario in the sexual harassment video HR made us watch last month. And it's not like it'd only be weird in the workplace. Say you were hanging out at the bar nowadays and instead of accidentally-on-purpose brushing up against you or buying you a drink... a random guy just walks up, sticks a finger under your bra strap, and snaps it. Nice to meet you too...

I suppose back in the day, girl-on-girl bra snapping was just another way to get attention from boys. A way to show them, "Hey look at us, we wear bras now." Sounds like it worked.

LOL check out this Yahoo question I found:
"Does getting your bra strap snap hurt more than getin kicked in the balls?
My girl friend said it dose and what part is the part that gets snaped the parts on the shoulders or on the back?"
Hahahahaha that is cracking me up. Yup, that's about how naive we were at the time too.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Radio Show Clip #23

Here's the third installment (out of four) of the trip to the museum...

Yes, my co-host Eddie and the curator fell through the floor boards of the museum. And I had to rescue them. With a rope.

Where the hell was this museum that it was built over a hole too deep to climb out of? And furthermore, could I really physically rescue someone with just a rope... or is that just something I picked up from cartoons?

Finally, I love how the curator described my co-host as "majorly muscular". In all the words in my current vocabulary, I would never think of that combination of words to describe a guy today.

Ohhh to have the imagination of a child again!

Monday, August 17, 2009

I *really* like Kevin!

I know that Mondays are usually Radio Show Clip days, but my wonderful mother's website is down at the moment and since she hosts my clips, I can't give you a new clip today. Sorry. Just let the suspense build for the next installment of the museum trip!

In the meantime, my crush on Kevin grows...

Ugh, I was SO annoying. Pretty much the worst thing that could have happened to any boy at my middle school in the late 90's was to end up being the unfortunate object of my affection.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

New Boy: Kevin!


In most diary entries from 7th grade, there's usually at least one thing that makes me cringe. And I don't mean content... I mean grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. This entry takes the cake. Two cringes in one sentence.

Cringe #1: "Him and I were at our lockers"
Cringe #2: "said to no one impirticular"

Nonononono! He, not him. Eek.

I guess it's kind of cute that I thought "in particular" was one word spelled "impirticular", but I feel like by 7th grade you should know that phrase. Nowadays, I'm a grammar/punctuation/spelling snob, so maybe I'm being too hard on my 7th grade self. Actually, I just did a Google search for "impirticular" and Google says: "Did you mean: imparticular". And get this... even though there are only 10 search results for "impirticular", there are 19,000 results for "imparticular". I can't believe there are that many idiots out there (most of which are probably adults too!).

Oh crap. Guess what I just realized? Pretty soon after I post this, this blog entry is going to be the 11th search result for "impirticular" and the 19,000-somethingth result for "imparticular". Nooooooo! I want to be part of the solution- not part of the problem!

P.S. Okay, now that you know I'm a grammar/punctuation/spelling snob, don't go and get all critical of my blog posts on me. I know there have been multiple times that I've ended a sentence with a preposition or written a split infinitive or used incorrect subject-verb agreement or had too many passive sentences or overused ellipses. Every time I do one of these things, please understand, I do cringe and consider changing it. Sometimes I do change it, but other times I just think "F it". I never intended for this blog to be an example of my best writing. So don't judge. Trust me, if you're bothered by something I've written incorrectly, it's probably bothering me just as much if not more. So I apologize. But, whatever... F it. :P