My husband, brother-in-law, and I had a big debate a month or so ago about the term "TL;DR" ("Too Long; Didn't Read"). Bro-in-law & I maintain that it's used to reply to someone's email, form post, whatev that is too wordy... to let them know you're replying without having read the whole content and possibly to also give them a hint to write more succinctly in the future. Husband, however, still asserts that it's used to summarize one's OWN writing as a preface. So I guess you write a really long email and then after realizing it's way too long and no one is going to want to read it, you go back up to the top, write "TL;DR", and then summarize what you wrote in a few bullet points. Not sure why you wouldn't just delete the rest of your email at that point, after realizing that it's garbage... but anyhow.
So, realizing that this diary entry is 6 pages long, here's a husband-style TL;DR for you with all the most-important, most-entertaining parts...
TL;DR
- "Jaime & Rachel say that when I’m around Richard that I act like I want him to go away."
- "I never thought [Anthony] would even want bodily contact with me (don’t take that the wrong way!)!"
- In a Pro/Con list for whether to date Anthony: "CON- I don’t know if he likes me."
- "I’d hate dumping Richard for his younger, shorter best friend!"
- "When I’m around Richard, he is so annoying & I hate him."
- "If I’m reading a note from him at school, I just want to kill someone it’s so sickening."
- "Then, if I read the same note at home, I think he’s the sweetest creature on Earth!"
- Using the Magic 8 Ball for advice...
"KRD: Should I keep going out with Richard?
M8B: My Sources Say No.
KRD: Is it because of how I don’t like him when I’m around him?" - "HOW DUMB I NEED REAL HELP FROM A HUMAN BEING NOT A PLASTIC BALL OF SHIT FILLED WITH PISS!"
- "Who do I really like? I need a sykyatrist!"
And if you really care to read the whole thing... here you go...!
      “2-8-97. Dear Diary, Richard gave me a note yesterday. Here are the highlites: He said that if I want to hold his hand, that he’s okay with that. He’s probably thinking that he’s dying to hold my hand! Jaime & Rachel say that when I’m around Richard that I act like I want him to go away. They say I ignore him & act really mean towards him. Jaime says that she doesn’t think he notices. I sure hope he doesn’t notice! Today (actually tonight) we’re going to another hockey game (Otters). I hope there’s a lot of fights! I love it when they break out & start fighting! Gotta go! Krista! I LOVE RICHARD! SAME DAY AS LAST: Hi! It’s me again. I just got home from an Otters hockey game. The whole time I hung out with Lianna. Some of the time (about half) I hung out with Lianna, Joanne, & Anthony. Anthony told me that Richard’s getting me a rose, a necklace, & earrings for Valentine’s day! He told me I should get him a Nike hat. I will if I have enough money. I think Anthony does like me! Anthony is really nice. Lianna agrees that he’s kinda cute. Towards the end of the game I was at the drinking fountain. I was last in line, behind Seth. Anthony came out of nowhere (I didn’t even know he was there!) and pushed me a little from behind! I never thought he would do that. I never thought he would even want bodily contact with me (don’t take that the wrong way!)! I don’t know who I like more: Richard or Anthony. I’ll make a Pro/Con list. Here: RICHARD-- PRO- my age, cute, tall, he loves me, goes to my school; CON- shy around me. ANTHONY-- PRO- cute, not shy around me; CON- too young, short, I don’t know if he likes me, Joanne might get mad at me, doesn’t go to my school. That’s all I can think of. Because Richard has 3 more Pros and 4 less Cons, I guess I should stick with him, huh? I sure hope that’s the right thing to do. I really need some assistance, bad. I’d hate dumping Richard for his younger, shorter best friend! Richard would hate me forever! I really hate it! When I’m around Richard, he is so annoying & I hate him. If I’m reading a note from him at school, I just want to kill someone it’s so sickening. Then, if I read the same note at home, I think he’s the sweetest creature on Earth! Somehow, that doesn’t seem right at all. At school walking out, if Jaime asks me if I want to hold hands with Richard I think ‘Definitely Not!’ But then when I think about it at home afterwards, I totally regret my decision. That seems very wrong. Here, let’s use some help from Mr. Magic 8 Ball dude. KRD: Should I keep going out with Richard? M8B: My Sources Say No. KRD: Is it because of how I don’t like him when I’m around him? M8B: My Sources Say No. KRD: Is that all you can say? M8B: Very Doubtful. KRD: Would I be better off with Anthony? M8B: Most Likely. KRD: Are you telling the truth about all of this? M8B: My Sources Say No. HOW DUMB I NEED REAL HELP FROM A HUMAN BEING NOT A PLASTIC BALL OF SHIT FILLED WITH PISS! HELP ME! Someone… Anyone…! Agghh! -Krista P.S. Do I love Richard really? Do I love Anthony really? Who do I really like? I need a sykyatrist! HELP!”
  
There are a couple ways one may interpret this situation:
1. The Mature and Rational Way - Giving Kara the Benefit of the Doubt
Kara used to date Mike. Even though Kara doesn't like Mike anymore, she is driven to tears after finding out that a good friend (Jaime) betrayed her and asked out her ex-boyfriend. Jaime should have known he was off-limits. 2. The Immature Middle School Way - What Really Happened
Kara used to date Mike. But Kara doesn't like Mike anymore, or so she says. Jaime and Mike are going out. But Jaime also likes Mark and Richard, so what's the point? Everyone likes everyone but somehow no one ever gets what they want. Everyone cries. Welcome to Middle School.
Also, before I go, I'd like to explore the etymology of "butt munch". Google, don't let me down now.
Unfortunately, I didn't come back with much. I'm sure most of us can already trace our first memory of "butt munch" back to Beavis and Butthead. Aaaand that's about as far as I got. But I did find this interesting interview with Mike Judge (the Creator of B&B) in which Judge discusses MTV's censorship of the show:
"For example butt-munch -- which they say a lot: originally in junior high people used to call each other ass-munch. So we put ass-munch in a script but the MTV standards department said no. We changed it to butt-munch and said that for about a year. Then I forgot they said no to ass-munch and I put it in there. By then they were so used to butt-munch that they didn't even notice ass-munch." Probably the most comprehensive definition I found is courtesy of ChaCha:
A butt munch (noun) is defined as 1. An annoying person that you would like to shut up. 2. A bothersome sibling. 3. A friend who is being a jackass. It is also a stupid or idiotic person, or a person that munches on a butt. A person. That munches. On a butt. Somehow in the past 14 years I never spent enough time thinking about "butt munch" to realize the literal, obvious meaning of the phrase. I love you, Internet.
---
“2-3-97. Dear Diary, Today Richard gave me a note (like usual). Highlights: He wrote: I’ve been thinking of you a lot! At the end of his dream we were going back out. He wrote on the note: I love you! Luv ya! And XXX OOO. His friend Pete wrote on it: Richard loves Krista. That is really weird because the note I wrote him I wrote these things: I’m just thinking about you, I’ve been doing that a lot lately. I told him that Joanne told me about his dream. I wrote, ‘Luv ya’ on it. Those things are practically the same! Joanne told told me that Anthony likes me! She told me that Anthony is always saying, ‘I have to call Krista! I have to call Kasey! I have to talk to Krista! I have to talk to Kasey!’ Joanne told me he’s obsessing over us! If I wasn’t going out with Richard, I’d probably want to go out with Anthony. Jaime might dump Mike. Because Kara’s mad at her. Kara wasn’t mad at Jaime for going out with Mike until she found out that she asked him out. Kara even said she doesn’t like Mike. But apparently she does. Kara said she was crying in chorus. Like we give a damn! We don’t care about her butt munching hell of a life! She is such a bitch! She is such a freaking liar! I really hate her! I don’t know what Jaime should do. Actually I think she should ignore stupid Kara & go on with her life. She should tell Kara that no matter how long Kara cries & no matter how long she complains she won’t dump Mike. She should just blow Kara off. Who cares about her? Jaime told me that she kinda likes Mark again. She said that she kinda likes Richard too! -Krista”
Holy crap... how has it been EIGHT months since the last time I posted?!? I am so sorry for falling off the face of the earth! Hope you weren't worried about me. :P Things just got really crazy last year planning a wedding, getting married (spoiler alert: not to a middle school crush), honeymooning, and enjoying life as a Mrs! But I'm finally back!    HA. The highlight of the first note from Richard was that he had a dream I dumped him. Even though I enjoyed being told he loved me, his dream almost came true that day. We already know he was walking a fine line between being cute affectionate and crazy-annoying over-affectionate. But it wasn't fair to him because he didn't know that. How do you tell someone, "I know you're my boyfriend, but can you stop saying 'hi' to me in the hall and writing me notes with hearts all over it? It's annoying"?
I went with my family to the Pinewood Derby at Grandview Elementary to watch my brother compete (?). You know, whatever you call it when you have a car in the race. Clearly I don't remember... I was talking to Anthony and making phone calls on the pay phone in the hallway most of the time.
That's right, kids, PAY phone. No cell. No texting. No Facebook. Real quarters in a real pay phone. And Richard was on his house phone. It may have even had a cord. And it's possible his mom answered and we had to awkwardly ask to speak to him. Today's youngins will never appreciate what we went though.
Okay, one more thing. I don't understand why I suddenly hated Mike. Earlier that school year, I had a crush on him and even when I look back on it now, I don't remember ever being on bad terms with him. Mike and I were always pretty good friends all throughout school. Hm. Maybe I was just jealous? Who knows.---
“1-31-97. Dear Diary, Today Richard gave me a note (Duh!). Highlights: he had a dream that I dumped him! He’s putting a happy ad on announcements for me! He’s going to put it on Monday. I guessed that it was going to say, ‘Will you be my Valentine?’ Jaime told me I was right. At the bottom he wrote, ‘I love you!’ In another note he gave me today here are the highlights: All that is important really is that it said I love you. When I got home from school I called Jaime. I was so totally sick of Richard that it wasn’t funny. I was very close to dumping him. But now I don’t think I want to. I went to the Boyscouts Pinewood Derby thing. There was Anthony. I spent most of my time flirting with Anthony & his friend Cameron. Anthony is really nice. I kinda like him, but not very much. He’s kinda cute too. He has a nice smile. He acts like he likes me, I don’t know. I asked Anthony what Richard says about me. He wouldn’t tell me but he says its very good. Anthony called Richard from Grandview & talked to him for awhile. Then he gave the phone to me. So Richard & I talked about nothing much for awhile. Anthony & I are good friends now, I think. I hope he thinks of me as a friend. -Krista P.S. Jaime’s going out with Mike! That’s sick! I hate Mike!”
Allow me to introduce you to Diary #5...  Yes, Diary #5 is covered with a luxurious velvet/velour material. Sexy.
Here's the inside of the cover... Old school label-maker! Hell yeah! What dates the diary more... the velvet cover or the old labels?
Onto the first entry...   Three notes in one day-- that's INTENSE.
INVU4URAQT... I remember being so confused by this. Yeah, I understood what it meant... but why would Richard, a boy, envy me for being cute? Wouldn't that mean that he wanted to be cute like me? Odd. I take that back, I am still confused by this.
Casual acronyms like this one really took off starting in middle school. Okay, disclaimer: I recognize INVU4URAQT isn't an acronym... but you know what I mean... strings of letters that represent words in some way or another. Haha. Anyhow, this was years before we started using OMG, WTF, and TTYL.
Instead, these were the years of...
- C/M - Call Me
- W/B - Write Back
- WBS - Write Back Soon
- WBASAP - Write Back As Soon As Possible
- TTFN - Ta Ta For Now
- LYLAS - Love You Like A Sister
- YBFFAA - Your Best Friend Forever And Always
- WAZ ↑ ↓ @? - What's up, down, all around?
Yes, I found those by looking through my two-inch binder filled with middle school notes.
Two other things I found were Sorry So Sloppy (written with one big S and all three words written beside it) and Boys Before Books Because Books Become Boring (written similarly).
Do you remember any more to add to the old school acronym list?
---
“1-21-97. Dear Diary, Hello! I think that’s what I’ll call you. Plain-diary. But that’s okay. NOTE TO THE READER: Please read my 4 diaries before this. Cuz if you don’t you won’t know what’s going on. So… Today (this morning) Richard gave me a note. Here are some of the highlights: He made me a bracelet (string)! He said that he thought the dance was awesome! He wants my school picture! He wrote INVU4URAQT! Get it? “I envy you for you are a cutie” Then on the front of the note he wrote – QT (cutie)! Then I wrote him back & he wrote me back. On this note some of the highlights are: Well, he said he was writing in SWEP & he didn’t want Mrs. Sam to catch him. This note ended with: Love, Richard! Then he wrote me another note. Highlights: He said that his parents don’t let him have girlfriends, but he does anyhow. This one ended with Love, Richard too. Every one of these notes had a heart drawn somewhere on it! WOW! He doesn’t know how much this bracelet means to me! He is so sweet! I hope this relationship lasts! I showed Kasey the bracelet from Richard. She said she knew about it because Anthony told her. Richard called me after school today. He asked what time the movie that Monica & I are trying to get a group of people to go to on Friday is going to be. Whenever he calls me he says, “This is Rich.” He calls himself Rich! I’m sorry but that’s kinda funny. Well, gotta go! Krista I LOVE RICHARD!”
  I can't remember if we've been over this already. Anthony was Richard's next-door neighbor who was also friends with my sister Kasey because they were in the same grade. Actually, I think they might have dated at some point, but I'm not sure. To make this love triangle (more like love pentagon) even more complicated, Anthony's sister Joanne was in my and Richard's grade and from what I remember, she always had a HUGE crush on him.
Anyhow, teenagers today don't know what they're missing. They're so busy thinking they're all cool with their own cell phones that they probably don't even realize that the advent of the cell phone has seriously reduced their options when it comes to spying on their siblings. If no one is using the communal family house phone, how can you possibly listen in to your sister's conversations? Through her bedroom door? Lame. And obvious.
Back in the 90's, it was so easy to pick up another line, cover the mouthpiece and/or hold your breath, and listen in to other people's private conversations. Was it fair, moral, or right to do? Of course not. But reality TV was limited at the time and nobody kept blogs, so it was the best entertainment you could get in the "watching-other-people's-lives" genre. Don't get the impression that I was the only one doing the spying in my household. Incorrect. My sister did her fair share as well!
It was always frustrating when you got busted though... when they heard you pick up the other line and knew you were there, listening. Kasey would say something like, "Who's on the phone? Krista! Get off the phone! I heard you pick up!!" Sometimes I'd try to just stay quiet and ride it out until she was convinced I wasn't really on the line. Other times, I'd give up and attempt to hang up as slowly and carefully as I had tried to get on... so as to not admit fault.
But then I discovered THE TRICK. If you unplugged the cord from the phone first, picked up the receiver from the base (it couldn't be a cordless phone), and THEN plugged the cord back in... voila! It was much quieter and less noticeable than trying to slowly pick up the clunky receiver. And there, my friend, is THE TRICK... I just wish I knew someone who could benefit from it today... but alas, with cell phones there is no TRICK. There is no spying, period.
Thank goodness we have reality TV and blogs.
---
“1-20-97. Dear Yraid, Anthony called Kasey today. I picked up the phone to listen into their conversation. Anthony said, “Put Krista on!” Kasey said, “Why?” Anthony kept saying, “Put Krista on!” & Kasey kept saying, “Why?” So finally I said, “I’m on.” Well, then, Richard came on the phone! Here’s how the conversation went. RS: Hi. KD: Hi. RS: They forced me to do this. This is Rich, of course. KD: I know. RS: Did you go to the movies Saturday night? KD: No, no one went because no one could go. RS: Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. KD: Yeah. Bye. Then Anthony came back on the phone. AB: Will you go out with Richard? KD: Yeah. AB: SHE SAID YES! SHE SAID YES! SHE SAID YES! I’ve gotta go! Bye! KD: Bye! I’m going out with Richard again! YES! Well, I would have rather told him to his face, but this will suffice! Well, I have to go dream about Richard! -Krista I LOVE RICHARD!”
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Yes, Richard would be heartbroken and 'dickbroken'. Jaime and I had an interesting sense of humor back then. I'm not sure we even meant anything by 'dickbroken', I think we just liked the way it sounded. Certainly Richard wasn't getting any further than possibly holding hands at that time... so I can't imagine we were thinking he'd actually be let down in the dick department. So weird.
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