More on Craig

Introducing a New Crush: Craig

I've always appreciated a nice set of choppers!

I can't even relate to people with naturally perfect teeth. Or people with perfect eyes either. Or perfect skin! If natural selection applied to humans, I probably wouldn't be alive today. My weak crooked-toothed farsighted dry-skinned ancestors would have been killed off long ago.

Every time I look at pictures of myself pre-braces, I am reminded of how much orthodontia has changed my life. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration but I am pretty sure I would be a completely different person today if I still had that mangled mess of misplaced teeth in my head. My first kiss probably would have been delayed at least 10-15 years and I may not even have friends. And I wouldn't laugh as often or own mirrors.

I hated having braces for six freaking years, but it was definitely worth it. The worst part though was when they took my braces off sometime in sixth grade for a few months... just to give me a break or tease me or have an excuse to bill my parents more or something... and then - SURPRISE - put the braces back on for another two years. Which in middle school felt like a lifetime. But in the end, like I said, it was worth it.

So... thanks Mom and Dad for investing in my smile! Laaaaaaaame, I know. But for real, thank you. :)

New Diary, New School Year

There is nothing worse in the entire world than a diary with thin pages.

Diary #4 was my first real experience with this, as you can see in the entry below. You can practically read the next entry right through the paper! After dealing with this issue once, I've intentionally inspected the paper of every diary I've bought since to ensure proper thickness and opacity. At some point I moved on to using 5-Star brand spiral notebooks as diaries but got pissed when I bought a new one and later realized they'd cheapened their paper on me. I remember that my first entry in that diary was a tirade against 5-Star's paper change.

Anyhow, I apologize if you have trouble reading this entry. I blame the shitty paper. Fortunately though, a few scans later I figured out how to change the settings so the images don't look quite so horrible... but I was too lazy to go back and re-scan the first few... so deal with it. :P

YES. Two swear words in the first entry of this diary! Off to a great start already. Seventh grade was a crazy year... I can't wait to re-live it. Sike.

Radio Show Clip #18

Here's what happens when you "accidentally" leave the mics on when your fake radio show goes on a fake coffee break...

To all professional radio DJs out there: make sure you do not make the same mistake because if so, you will most likely:

• fire your weather guy simply because he's stupid and annoying
• reveal your crush on Rider Strong, describing him as "so cute"
• learn that your co-host has the hots for 90s supermodel Claudia Schiffer.

Diary #3 Closing

Onward to Diary #4!

MY LIFE SUCKS!

I apologize for not posting in almost a week... but this summer is crazy. Especially with work. I've been working ten and eleven hour days recently... yikes. But I'm not here for sympathy. I'm here to share with you this drama-filled gem:

(ha... funny the diary entry also starts with an apology for not writing often...)


I can't imagine a more legitimate reason to hate your life other than having a little sister tease you and not give you mints. That is, unless she's also sitting in the highly-desired front seat of the car when she does it. In that case, you might as well wish death upon yourself and apologize for your birth.

Seriously?

There are children in this world with no sisters, no mothers, no cars, and worst of all- no breath mints... and yet I was the one with such a sucky life? I'm embarrassed now by the drama I caused. Sure my sister played instigator... but why was my gut reaction physical violence rather than calmly saying, "Mom, Kasey won't give me the mints" and waiting for Mom to make her hand them over? Sure it'd be kinda whiney, but it definitely would have solved the issue better and faster. Oh the joys of sibling rivalry.

So quick comments about my seventh grade teachers. It's interesting looking back and comparing my first impressions to my last (and current) impressions. In backwards order...

Mr. Jones: First impression = "weird". I'd say that's somewhat accurate. I mean, he wasn't that weird... but he did grunt a lot and had a crooked finger or something. But other than that, I think he was a decent guy.

Mrs. Chandler: First impression = "really nice". I honestly can't even picture what this woman looked like. All I remember is learning about variables. I thought algebra was awesome. Yay math!

Mr. Lohse: First impression = "okay". He flirted with my mom big time when she came to take-your-parent-to-school-day or whatever it was called. He even wrote "Say hi to your mom for me!" in my yearbook at the end of the year. Awkward. He ended up being my favorite teacher that year. He was always super nice to me... probably because he had the hots for my mom.

Mrs. Decker: First impression = "okay". Ohhh Mrs. Decker. She was really supportive of my creative writing (she even read some of my stories out loud to the class) and was really nice to me... until I f-ed up royally. Unfortunately, I don't have enough time right now to discuss the details of the traumatic events I caused in her classroom... but hopefully we'll come back to that soon. Definitely before my 7th grade diary entries are over! Don't you worry!

OMG it's almost 7th grade!!!

Dude. Trust me. I didn't like Doug. Really. I just pulled out my pink and yellow markers for fun and coincidentally happened to have colored over his name and only his name. I was probably going to color everyone else's names too but I forgot, or got busy, or got called down for dinner or something. But yeah, it's not what it looks like. It doesn't mean anything that Doug's name is highlighted and- wait a sec- it also looks like I may have changed to black ink for his name... and it looks bold... but trust me, it's not like I was tracing his name over and over again in cursive while daydreaming about our future wedding or what we'd name our children or anything. Haha... we were just friends. I didn't like Doug like that.

Am I allowed to call BULL SHIT on my former self?