I AM the Grandview Bee

Okay, I admit, I only posted this entry because it has a funny picture. And because of that, I don't really have anything on which to comment. Sorry! Hope you like the drawing!

Radio Show Clip #17

And now for the 5 o'clock news!

Wind chill is not measured in percents and I'm pretty sure 563% isn't a valid value for barometric pressure either. Wtf is barometric pressure anyhow? I just googled it and I still don't understand. Why did I even know this phrase in middle school?

I don't remember learning about barometric pressure in class but I do remember hearing it every morning during the video announcements at school. During video announcements, there was a segment where they'd recite all the weather measurements for that day and track every single tropical storm and hurricane... you know... just in case any of us living in northwest Pennsylvania cared.

Prank Calls & 7th Grade Wish List

We obviously had no idea what we were doing in regard to prank calls. I know I had heard of the concept in general but I didn't know much about it. It would be years before I heard of The Jerky Boys, watched Crank Yankers, or played with online celebrity soundboards. So in 1996, our prank calls were super lame. First of all, we only called people we knew. We were too nervous and embarrassed to call strangers. And these were the days before caller ID! Secondly, we didn't say anything funny or outrageous, we basically just pretended we were telemarketers. Not funny. At all.

Oh well.

I enjoy that one of the items on my 7th grade wish list was "good packed lunches". At this age, my parents still packed my lunches. I'm sure I begged for ham sandwiches, Gushers, and Dunkaroos (P.S. whatever happened to Dunkaroos anyhow?) but I didn't get my way all of the time. It's funny to think that at that time my packed lunches were so far out of my control that I had to *wish* for them to be good. In high school, I would have just been like, "Mom, screw this crappy PB&J, I'm going to buy pepperoni balls and an ice cream sandwich for lunch." But in 7th grade I didn't have much of my own money to spend. What my parents packed is what I got.

Also, "NO BAD HAIR DAYS!" Really? Did I even do my hair in middle school? I'm pretty sure I just took a shower the night before and rolled out of bed the next day. Maybe that had something to do with it. Or maybe the issue was my bangs- which were always losing their curl and falling in my face. Or maybe it was that whole Sun-In thing...

Pet Fish

Ahhhhahahahha I don't know what is funnier. My sister naming her pet fish after our neighbor Jim (the one who was both cute and ugly at the same time) or me naming my fish after my favorite radio station. Or maybe the funniest part of all of it is the fact that neither of these names struck me as weird at the time.

It was just like... Duh, of course Kasey would name her pet after our teenage neighbor who we never actually talked to, just admired when he was outside mowing the lawn or whatever else teenage boys do. Can you imagine if he knew he had a fish named after him? Would he have found that endearing or creepy?

And wow, I was so obsessed with listening to the radio that I named a pet after my favorite radio station. Now do you see why I was all about making my own radio shows? I thought DJs were the shit. It's so sad that today, just thirteen years later, radio is dying... so much so that they now play commercials on the radio promoting listening to the radio. Talk about preaching to the choir. Anyhow, my point is, it's sad that now kids probably don't have half the appreciation I had for radio. And it's crazy how quickly technology changes and the impact it has. Damn you Internet. I hate it, but I love it.

Don't believe me about those radio-promoting radio commercials? You can listen to them here.

Casper

"There's a boy in my house. YES!!!" is a reference to the mid-90's movie Casper. Remember? It starred Christina Ricci and an animated ghost who in the end temporarily became real and danced with Christina. As I remember it, Casper and Christina were just friends when Casper was still a ghost, but when he turned into the dreamy Devon Sawa, just like any other pre-teen girl at the time, she fell in love with him. How depressing though: you fall in love with a dead guy, he comes back to life just long enough for you make out a little, and then he becomes a freaking ghost again. Ugh. Glad I've never run into that problem.

So anyhow, at some point near the beginning of the movie, Christina Ricci and her dad move into a haunted house and Christina chooses Casper's old bedroom as her own. I guess all the old furniture was still there (weird) because when Casper saw Christina in his bedroom, he said, "There's a girl... on my bed... YES!" Kinda naughty for a kids movie, but whatev. So that's what my quote was in reference too.

Also, I gotta point out my usage of "as shole". I wonder how long it will be until the swear words just start flowing freely instead of being cleverly misspelled...

Radio Show Clip #16

Omg. Please please please tell me you're already familiar with the 90's cartoon Duckman. If not, you're really going to think I lost my mind. This is absolutely ridiculous. Don't say I didn't warn you.

From Wikipedia:

The original timeslot for Duckman episodes while still being produced was changed to later at night due to complaints from parents about children seeing the adult humor-oriented show.

Adult humor? Really? All my siblings and I cared about was the grandma who never talked, only farted. Any "adult" humor was way over our heads. I honestly remember nothing else about the cartoon except the farting grandma.

I tried to find a clip featuring the farting grandma on YouTube... but get this... apparently the farting grandma must not have been the funniest part of the show. Who knew? Yup, there's a ton of Duckman clips but not one focusing on grandma-ma. Okay, I take that back. There is ONE. But in the entire history of Duckman and YouTube, it was only posted two months ago. And it's out of context and doesn't at all show how funny the character was within the show (errr... how funny I thought it was at the time). Also, it was posted by someone named guitarsk8r whose other videos are prank phone calls and guitar hero songs. Aaaaaaaand he's fifteen. Somehow, this kid managed to turn down the maturity meter even further on the farting grandma. He created a clip of grandma-ma farting for a minute and a half straight. As an adult, I no longer see the humor in it... but thirteen years ago when I created the radio show, I probably would have cracked up and set it to play on repeat.

If you must see it, here's the link to the video.

Sun-In

So... about Sun-In. My friend Jenny introduced me to Sun-In at art camp that summer. Jenny already had long blonde hair but as she used Sun-In, I watched her hair become blonder and sleeker every day. Then Rachel started using it. Rachel had light brown hair and her hair lightened beautifully too. Naturally, I figured I could benefit from some Sun-In myself.

Sun-In FAIL.

A word of warning: even if you think your hair is medium brown according to this chart, it's not. And even if it is, after 2 days in the sun it will NOT look like the sandy sunny hair promised. It will be orange. Rust orange. An orange that no human's hair should ever be. My Sun-In makeover did not transform me into the supermodel I thought I'd become... instead, it was a heart-breaking downgrade and waste of $5. Not to mention I was punished with a horrible hairstyle (just imagine the roots) for all of 7th grade. As if struggling with a lack of popularity and attention from boys wasn't hard enough as it was.

Since the Sun-In experience, I've come to accept that I have dark brown hair. Not quite the-darkest-brown-there-is dark but dark enough that in high school, guys I'd talk to on the phone or Internet after meeting just once would say things like, "Yeah, you're the girl with black hair." I used to think they weren't paying attention, but enough guys said it that I was finally convinced that my hair is dark enough to be considered black.

If only I had embraced my dark brown hair, maybe I wouldn't have thought I was such a "UD".

Radio Show Clip #15

If doing the voices for two different people wasn't impressive enough, here's an interview my "co-host" Eddie and I did with some random fake person named Bob.

What, exactly, was the point of that interview?

Resolution?

Sounds more like a breakup with a boyfriend, huh? Rachel and I both said we never wanted to see each other again and returned each other's stuff. Reminds me of cheesy sitcom breakups where one ex would return to the other a cardboard box containing mix tapes, a concert t-shirt, and inevitably something comically random like a pet hamster or a piece of already-been-chewed gum. I swear there was an episode of Full House like that, but I can't find any proof of it on the Internet. Hm.

I wish I would have gone into more detail about mine and Rachel's phone call after our 4-day breakup. It seems like I wasn't really surprised or bothered when she called. Judging by the magnitude of the fight, I would have expected the conversation to go something like...

Rachel: "Hey, do you want to come to my family's garage sale today?"
Me: "Why the fuck are you calling me?!?"

Instead, it seems like we didn't even acknowledge the fight at all. I suppose that just goes to show our fight was more about drama and attention than actual anger. Lame.

What the kcuf?

Who would have thought that planning a simple sleepover would cause so much drama? Too bad I didn't know the word "hypocrite" back then, otherwise I would have used it. It would have been much more descriptive and accurate than calling Rachel a "rat"-- which I don't really understand why I chose that word.

However, I do enjoy my usage of the backwards spelling of "fuck". I learned that from listening to TLC. It was during this summer that Rachel, Jenny, and I were obsessed with the TLC "CrazySexyCool" tape. During our breaks at Art Camp, we would play that cassette on our Walkmans (Walkmen?) over and over and sing along. We were little suburban girls singing about drugs, sex, and gang violence... topics we couldn't relate to, much less understand. But that didn't stop us from memorizing every lyric.

I've learned that when you memorize something at a young age, it tends to stay with you forever. I can still recite the alphabet backwards and the 50 states in alphabetical order. I still know the recorded warning played in the line of Waldameer's Whacky Shack and the lyrics to Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. And I can still sing the rap parts of TLC's "Waterfalls" and "Sumthin Wicked This Way Comes". It is in the "Sumthin Wicked This Way Comes" rap that I learned KCUF ("What the kcuf is going on?"). TLC probably altered the word to avoid a Parental Advisory warning, but I thought it was cool and saw it as a clever way for me to get away with swearing without actually swearing. Sneaky.

What do you think... will Rachel and I be friends again in the next entry? Or was that friendship over for good?

Radio Show Clip #14

Here's the first clip from KRI Radio!!

Like I mentioned last time, everyone on KRI radio was voiced by me. I really did have friends as a kid, but I also had a lot of free time too. I can't even remember what it was like during summer as a kid. Three consecutive months of zero responsibilities (other than some chores here and there). Now, when we take vacation from work as adults, there's always shit that needs to get done. Sometimes we even take vacation in order to do stuff around the house... yardwork, painting, other home maintenance. As a kid, you had to invent stuff (like fake radio shows) to occupy yourself and ward off boredom. I don't think I ever sit around nowadays like, "Man, I'm SO bored. What can I possibly do next?" There's always laundry to wash... or dishes to clean... or errands to run... or reality TV to watch... My point is: I wish I could be a kid again.

If you didn't pick up on it, the name "KRI Radio" came from the first 3 letters of my name. It had nothing to do with "crying", although that's what it sounds like from the clip. Odd association.

Cute or Ugly?

I'm really tired and heading to bed soon... but faced with guilt over my infrequent posts and a choice to either go to bed having not posted all weekend or to half-ass this post, I chose to half-ass... because nothing is more disappointing than checking people's blogs at work Monday morning to find nothing new. I understand. So, I apologize in advance for the minimal commentary on this entry, but minimal is better than nothing at all, right? Right?
After I was so pissed off at Rachel and Allison, it's interesting how quickly and easily everything was resolved.

Jim was our next-door neighbor growing up. He was two years older than me, so at this point, he was going into his freshman year of high school and I was going into 7th grade. I don't know why I was so conflicted over him being cute or ugly. I think he was a pretty average-looking guy. Maybe that's the problem with average-looking people.

Have you ever known someone where if you look at them one way, they're really attractive... but if you REALLY look at them, they're actually kind of ugly? Or vice versa even. I remember noticing some guys like that in high school. They were either really cute or really ugly, I couldn't tell. Or maybe like some of those girls on America's Next Top Model, for example. Some of them are really homely or weird-looking at first. But on second glance, they're actually really uniquely beautiful. Am I making any sense? I swear, I have noticed this quality about a handful of people throughout my life. If you haven't, maybe you should look again...
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Damn, I got carried away... I guess this commentary is actually about average length. Premature apology rescinded.

Oh the profanity!

Oh my goodness! So much anger! You would have thought Rachel and Allison stole my boyfriend or murdered my family. But all they did was leave me out for TWO days.

Well, it was the middle of summer between 6th and 7th grade which meant I probably hung out at home all day and played with my friends. That was my life. So any change was a big change. And I was probably worried that I was going to end up spending the rest of my summer alone, like a loser.

It's interesting that my emotions manifested as pure hatred and anger. Instead of just feeling sad and sorry for myself, I was mostly plain old pissed.

Three swear words in one entry-- that's a new record!

Pool & YM

MIHS was the high school where we used to go swimming. My fun memories of that pool have since been replaced by the awkward memories of 9th grade pool class. Changing into a bathing suit in front of 50 other girls who probably also had negative self body images... unflattering swim caps... drying my bangs under a hand dryer after class... girls who hadn't yet learned to groom themselves properly... shirtless 14-year-old boys (awkward in any situation)... everyone knowing when it was your "time of the month" because you sat out that week... dealing with stares from the horny 14-year-old boys... seeing the water polo and swim team guys up close in their Speedos... the list goes on and on...

But ANYHOW, back in 1996, I guess I went swimming there and flirted with the lifeguard. Although I question how much flirting I actually did if he was trying to talk to us but I "told him to go away". And he was older AND semi-cute! What was I thinking?

Oh man, YM magazine. I totally forgot about that. Turns out it was discontinued in 2004. Who knew? My mom never would have let me get YM in middle school under her watch, in fact, I wasn't allowed to get Seventeen magazine until I was seventeen. But lucky for me, some girl working at a hotel in Pittsburgh gave me the YM while we were visiting for a weekend. I thought I was so cool for having it because I knew it was supposed to be for teenagers.

P.S. Did you notice I started this entry with the same first sentence as my last entry? I love that I felt the need to explain why I was writing a certain way, even if it was just for the hell of it.

Radio Show Clip #13

Okay, I promise, this is the last "caller" from the bit where people called in and sang Christmas songs. Except, not to ruin it for you or anything, but this person never really got around to singing.

I guess that's what happened when I ran out of parodies and creativity!

Stay tuned because next Monday we move on to clips from a new cassette tape! It's labeled "KRI Radio" and on that fake talk radio show, I had a loser co-host named Eddie (also voiced by me, of course).

Can you imagine how crazy I must have sounded to someone standing outside my bedroom door at the time? Sounds of me talking back and forth to myself in different voices for an hour or so at a time. I'm surprised my parents weren't more concerned about my mental health. Hey, I guess it could have been worse. At least I wasn't stealing cigarettes or drinking underage or getting knocked up or doing drugs or setting fire to couches on the highway or whatever other delinquent behavior 12-year-olds do. Yup. Definitely could have been worse.