Beautiful

This is one of the diary entries that make me glad I kept a diary as a kid. It captures the first time someone said I was beautiful... the first time, in an age of adolescent awkwardness, that I actually felt beautiful.

Of course, it was hard to believe that anyone dressed in my mid-90's wardrobe of purposely inside-out sweatshirts and overalls (only one strap attached) would be beautiful. So of course I was surprised and somewhat skeptical, but it was a start.

Middle school marked the beginning of popularity wars and the subsequent introduction of insecurities... so this small comment made by Richard meant a lot to me. It's possible that maybe I really was just dating him "for the words he wrote"... but perhaps he was dating me for the same reason. I see nothing wrong with two pre-teens building up each other's confidence... that's exactly what they need at that time in their life... well, that is, until the inevitable breakup... Hm. On second thought, maybe kids should find other ways to gain confidence.

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“1-28-97. Dear Diary. Today I gave Richard a note that had my school picture in it. In my note I asked if he thought I looked stupid. Anyhow, this morning Richard gave me a note. Highlights: He wrote that there’s really no point to the letter. He was just thinking of me. And he’ll still be (he wrote that). This note had a big heart at the bottom & it ended with Love Richard! Then he gave me another note before 6th period. Highlights: A whole paragraph, in his words: “Of course you don’t look stupid in your picture. You look beautiful.” He said I was beautiful! No one other than family has called me beautiful. And I never really thought I was! Richard wrote me a note in my file server on the computer. I didn’t see it yet. But Jaime told me it says “I love you” in it! Here are our old seats for Language Arts. Now it’s: I SIT BY RICHARD! Know what? I’m starting to think I only like Richard for the words he writes. But then, maybe I’m wrong. Ya! I’m wrong, totally wrong. Doug called to tell me to call Jaime & tell her he doesn’t want to go out with her anymore. So I did. Jaime was really sad at first. But she isn’t anymore cause she doesn’t like him anymore. She likes Mike. The bad thing is… I wrote a note in his file server that said: Jaime & Doug sitting in a tree… etc.! Anyhow, Doug called me back for no reason just to talk. He calls me ‘Bob’. Why? I don’t quite know. Mom thinks he likes me! He’s okay. Mom thinks he’s cute. I don’t even want to think about liking him! After liking him for 3 consecutive years – I’m done! – Krista”