Your Mom

I'm seriously having a problem understanding the adolescent mind. You'd think after reading all these diary entries, I'd be better able to appreciate the emotions and predict the actions. Nope. Apparently when it comes to girls in early adolescence, there is no understanding... there is no predicting.

Wasn't I JUST in love with Richard? Just a week earlier I was saying how cute and sweet he was. Clearly ripping him to pieces as I did in the past couple diary entries was some sort of weird defense mechanism. Not sure what I was defending myself against... but I know I didn't really feel that way.

Other things to address:
1. "Un-Rogaine"... Richard's thick hair became the object of my aggression. Why???

2. "Crimeny!"... Where the heck did this word come from? Or rather, where did it go? I haven't heard it in ages. TO THE GOOGLE! First off, I guess it's more commonly spelled "criminy". Weird. I don't like the way that looks. Secondly, YES! I love when researching old diary entries leads me to uncover other relics of the time! Turns out "criminy" was often said by Helga on the Nickelodeon cartoon Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold first aired in October of 1996, so that is without a doubt where I picked it up. Mystery solved.

3. "Your Mom"... What a great all-purpose insult this was for awhile there. I still hear it jokingly from time to time but man was it rampant in middle school. Yo Momma jokes were HILARIOUS back then. Most of the ones we used to laugh at are super-lame ("Your momma's so fat when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house"), but if you haven't heard Yo Momma jokes in a long time, I encourage you to google it because there are a ton of smart and funny ones I had never heard. Yes, lots are still lame... but I was happy to come across these...

Harry Potter:
"Your mama's so fat, the Sorting Hat sorted her into the House of Pancakes."

Nerdy:
"Select * FROM Table.YoMamma
........................................
........................................
........................................
Server Timed Out"

Literature (from Act I Scene 1 of Timon of Athens):
Painter: "Y'are a dog."
Apemantus: "Thy mother's of my generation. What's she, if I be a dog?"

I bet you didn't know Shakespeare "invented" the Yo Momma joke!

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“3-4-97. Dear Diary, I did dump Richard! I’m so happy! I feel so free. I feel like a new person! I love it! Ahh! Richard still likes me, a lot. He wrote me a note saying that we can still be friends & he’s not mad at me. At the bottom of the note, it said- I love you. I feel so bad. But I don’t care, I’m NOT asking him back out- EVER! Ugh! He is so ugly. Like I’ve said before- he needs un-Rogaine. I wonder who I’ll like next. Hmm. Jaime & Kara say that Rob & I should go out. You think? Nah. It would never happen. In SWEP, the strangest thing happened. I was talking to Doug. Suddenly he stepped forward so we were almost touching. He was looking down at me & I was looking up at him. My God! It looked like he was about to kiss me! Crimeny! You don’t know how close we were! I’ve never stood by him that close face to face. Anyhow, we stood there for awhile just looking at each other & then I said, “I could beat you up!” He said, “Ya sure, your Mom.” And then we both walked off in different directions. Do you think I’ll like Doug again? I don’t know. Mom thinks he’s cute. I didn’t ask her- she told me. I think Doug & I would be better of as just friends. But hey, you never know! -Krista”

I want my freedom & stuff

"I want my freedom"... from what?? We never saw each other outside of school, we never talked on the phone, we didn't even sit together at lunch. We exchanged notes in the hallway and that's about it.

And my alternative was Rob, a boy who I would definitely make a really cute couple with, but who may not go out with me. Hell, he may not even LIKE me.

I'm really anxious to see how this is going to work out... haha.

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"3-3-97. Dear Diary, I might dump Richard tomorrow. I'm not sure. At lunch & after I was really serious about it. I told like everyone I saw! Now I'm not quite sure if I should. I still like him but I don't want to go out with him anymore. I want my freedom & stuff. Should I OR shouldn't I? HELP. I think I've told too many people to not dump him. Ugh! HELP! Kara, Lianna, & Jaime all think that Rob & I would make a really good couple. Jaime said so even though she likes him! Agh! What to do, what to do? I'm starting to agree with them. Would he ever go out with me though? Krista"

B.O.

I'm back!! I'm so sorry I abandoned you there for FIVE months but-- whoops-- life got busy again. This time, I bought a house. And houses can be total time-sucks. Very rewarding... but veritable vortexes of time and money. Wheee!

Anyhow, enough of my boring adult life... back to juicy middle school drama!

Oh the joys of puberty. I still remember my first "Teen Spirit".

Poor Richard. It needed to be his mom's responsibility to tell him to use deodorant... not his girlfriend's! Nooo, his girlfriend's responsibility was to make fun of him behind is back and write funny pop songs on the matter.

Oh yes, this was during the phase of my adolescence where I wrote songs. I didn't actually compose music... I just wrote down lyrics and kept the melodies inside my head. If all the songs I wrote in middle school were released on the radio today, "B.O." would definitely be the one to top the charts as a #1 hit single.

I scoured my old cassette tapes hoping to find a recorded version of this song but came up empty-handed. For now, you'll just have to imagine the awesomeness until someone begs or bribes me enough to record it fresh. Sometimes I still sing it around the house to this day... AND... even my HUSBAND has been found humming it after it's gotten stuck in his head.

Before you read the infectious lyrics, I should point out that there are some parts written in black, others in blue, and some kind of in both colors. That's because the song is intended to be sung by two people so the colors represent the two parts. AND the parts that are sung together are sung in harmony. This is very sophisticated music.

Here is my masterpiece!!

Speechless? I thought so.

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“2-27-97. Dear Diary, Richard is still kinda annoying. I’m not mad about the I LOVE U’s all over anything anymore but I am mad about his stench! Geez! He smells like a whole football team after playing a 5 hour long game! He smells so darn bad. Can’t he use deoderant? IT’S CALLED B.O. DEAR! UGH! -Krista AKA The Girlfriend of one heck of a smell boy! & that isn’t a good thing!"
"Two quiet lovers / Sitting together / Arms around each other / Loving one another. / The boy smells flowers & perfume- what a dream. / The girl smells B.O.! / (CHORUS) Boy you've got stench, stench, stench / Boy you smell really bad / Boy you've got stench, stench, stench / Have you been sittin on a bench / Boy you reek, reek, reek / Boy you smell really bad / Boy you reek, reek, reek / Boy all through the week. / The boy looks deep into her eyes / The girl remembers all her lies / Cuz he's got B.O.! / (CHORUS) / The boy leans over to be kissed / The girl thinks of what she missed / Cuz he's got B.O.! / (CHORUS) / The girl stands up & runs away / The boy hopes maybe another day / (Spoken) Too bad there won't be / Cuz he's got B.O.! / (CHORUS) / Look at those underarms / smelly underarms / look at those underarms / smelly underarms / look at those underarms / smelly underarms / Yea!"