Boyfriend #2!

Well that was quick. Just the day before I had said, "I like him but I'm not sure if I would want to go out with him though." And then, BAM! We're going out. And apparently I was so happy about it that I needed to take up five pages with my excitement. Lucky for you the next entry explains how it all went down. But I'll keep you in suspense until then... ;)

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"12-13-96. Dear Yraid, I'M GOING OUT WITH RICHARD!"

Candygrams

In case you didn't have them at your middle school, Candygrams were notes, presumably with candy (although I don't remember what kind), that you'd send to your classmates at school through the Student Council or something. You could buy them at lunch and they'd be delivered to the recipients in their homeroom later that week. Of course, the popular and pretty girls always had desks full of candygrams from all their secret admirers. But I'd be lucky to even get one. And when I did, it was usually from a BFF who I had made an agreement with that we'd send each other Candygrams so wouldn't look like total losers. I think they were like 50 cents each and I assume the proceeds went to charity, but again, that's another detail I don't recall. Around Valentine's Day, they did a similar sale but with carnations, the most romantic flower in the world.

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"12-12-96. Dear Yraid, So I do like Richard. But it is a weird feeling. I like him but I'm not sure if I would want to go out with him though. I mean he’s really cute. But he can be really strange- but so am I. I don’t like it when he wears his glasses though. I kinda want to go out with him. Oh well! I don’t think Jaime’s going to dump Doug now. She sent him a Candy Gram that said “I Heart You!” in it. Doug sent her one that said “Love ya!” He does hang around with Teri a little too much. I wish I had someone who loved me as much as Doug loves Jaime. As much as Craig USED TO like me. I wish someone would just love & respect me like Craig… or… Richard. Maybe Richard, maybe. Well, I’ll see ya. Krista. P.S. I think Richard is helping me get over Craig. I mean not Richard, literally. It’s because I’m starting to like Richard, therefore, I’m getting over Craig! I only cry a little when I hear a sad song now! GO ME! I LIKE RICHARD! I ALMOST STILL LOVE CRAIG!”

Spin the Bottle

Damn Spin the Bottle. All I ever wanted in life was to play Spin the Bottle. Pop culture taught me that Spin the Bottle is an essential part of being a teenager and I couldn't wait to check it off my list. Plus, it was pretty obvious that no guy was going to kiss me willingly at this point in my life, so I was pretty sure I was going to need a game for it to happen.

But no, I am now 26 years old and still haven't checked "Spin the Bottle" off my teenage to-do list. All two of my opportunities were ruined. The one described in the entry above was the first failed attempt, due to Doug being the only boy in attendance. The second chance I had to play Spin the Bottle was later on in 7th grade or maybe in 8th grade at Jackie's birthday party. Maybe it'll be mentioned in a later diary entry, but oh well, I'm going to talk about it now.

At Jackie's party, there was a good mix of boys and girls and someone suggested Spin the Bottle. The only problem was... we had no bottles. So Jackie ran upstairs and came back down to the basement with a can of Lysol... and Spin the Lysol was born. I was so pumped to finally play the game (and finally kiss a boy) but then, my two best friends Lianna and Jaime proclaimed that they were both going to sit out. What?!?! I tried to convince them to play but instead they chastised me for wanting to play and eventually convinced me to abstain. So I sat there, hating life, as I watched everyone around the circle trade kisses.

Jackie's mom even came down at one point and just kind of rolled her eyes and giggled at the game. I remember thinking, "Seriously?? A MOM is okay with this game and my friends aren't? For once, it's my FRIENDS keeping me from doing something fun and NOT a mom? If that's not totally backwards, I don't know what is."

I think I'm still kind of salty about that Spin the Lysol event.

Anyone want to play Spin the Bottle?

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“12-7-96. Dear Yraid, Hi! I’m back from Monica’s party. We didn’t play Spin the Bottle cuz only 1 guy showed up. Who? Doug! It was so much fun! Doug is such a flirt! He flirted with everyone at the whole party, mostly me though. Here’s what Doug & I did together: (these aren’t in order) 1) Played Chess; 2) Played Mille Bornes; 3) Everyone put plastic bags on their feet and skated around. Doug & I purposely skated towards each other to run into each other. We ended up falling on top of each other!; 4) He tried to lock me in the basement; 5) Spied on Jackie, Monica, Kelly, & Erin cuz they were leaving us out; 6) We were alone in the living room laying on the couch. They were two different couches! Geez. I’d never lay on the same couch as him; 7) Him, Jackie, & I got into a huge marker fight; 8) He wanted me to french braid his hair. So I did using my scrunchie!; 9) We were alone in the basement. He kept pushing me backwards onto the couch so I ended up like this. Then he’d push my legs over. He did this like 4 times. He flirts so bad. But we’re just friends. I don’t think he likes me. If he does, I wouldn’t go out with him- unless he asked me out. Plus, he loves Jaime. That’s right Jaime, he does. I’m not kidding. He already has her Christmas present. I’d tell you what it is but I can’t cuz Jaime is most likely hearing or reading this. He said he never liked Moe when they went out. I believe him. Well gotta get my beauty rest. Krista. Everyone was saying Doug & I should go out. I’ll pass. Jaime he’s all yours! P.S. I’m almost over Craig. P.P.S. No, I don’t like Doug. P.P.P.S. This was the best party I ever went to. P.P.P.P.S. There are a lot more little things Doug & I did together but they’re not worth talking about and if I did, it would take up the rest of this diary!”

I guess if he says yes, I'll go out with him

I know rarely (if ever) fill you in on what the people in my entries are doing today... I suppose it's because I don't want to spoil any surprises... but this one I just can't keep to myself. I mentioned in the entry above that Dawn (the same Dawn who used to do radio shows with me) dumped Doug M. Well holy shit, would you believe that now, over thirteen years later, they're married?!? How often does that happen? It's not like they've been together for thirteen years, they had both seen other people in the meantime, but really, how cute is that? Middle school sweethearts ended up back together. Awww.

Hope that doesn't make you any less interested in the intriguing new storyline of Jaime trying to convince me to go out with Doug M... and sort-of half-succeeding... maybe? I mean, I *guess* I'd go out with him, if he'd go out with me. But I only like him when I'm thinking about him. lol...

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“12-5-96. Dear Yraid, Today is my B-Day! Today in Math, the student teacher wanted the class to sing Happy Birthday to me, Sarah, & Narayan (today is all our bday). No one really wanted to sing but Craig stood up & Said, “I’ll lead!” And he did! He sung so loud it made me feel really special even though he didn’t’ do it only for me. Also during the middle of our test in Math, we both were thinking & looking out into space. Only we were looking at each other! We stayed like that for like a minute & then at the same time we figured out the problem we were stuck on. Dawn dumped Doug M. Now Jaime wants me to go out with him. I don’t know! I kinda want to go out with him but I’m not sure. I guess if he says yes I will. When I’m thinking about him, I like him more. But when I’m thinking about Craig, I like Craig more. Maybe I’ll tell Jaime maybe I’ll go out with him. See ya! Tell ya what happened with Doug M tomorrow. –Krista”

Who the hell is Jack?

It's funny how scared I was that I was going to get detention over writing the word "hell". If Mrs. Sam did read the notebook, I'm sure she didn't even blink when seeing the word. Maybe it'd be alarming if I wrote the F-word in every other sentence, but "hell"? Big deal.

I was so mad at Mrs. Sam at the time for taking the notebook, but you know what? If I were a teacher I would love to read kids' notes. Man, a whole notebook would be like the holy grail. I'm sure the notes weren't even interesting... probably stuff like, "Do you think Craig still likes me?" "I heard that Dave and Emily are going out." "I'm wearing new socks today." "Did you watch TGIF last week?" etc. So middle school notes are probably pretty lame but I'd still want to read my hypothetical students' notes if I could confiscate them! I enjoy prying into other people's business. That's why most of the books I read today are memoirs and most of the TV I watch is reality (a matter of fact, as I type this, I have "Intervention" on in the background).

I laughed at Craig's F-turned-A but instead I probably should have been re-evaluating... did I really want to date a boy who got Fs? I don't think I had anything in common with Craig. How long would it take me to realize that?

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“12-3-96. Dear Yraid, Rachel & I started writing to each other in a notebook. I would write a note in there to her, give her the whole notebook, & she’d write back. Well, she was writing me back in SWEP. Mrs. Sam took it away from her. At the end of class, Rachel asked for it back. This is how Rachel told me the conversation went: Mrs. Sam: What is this? Rachel: Krista & I write notes to each other in it. Mrs.Sam: I’ll be keeping this for awhile. I’ll talk to you two later. The worst part is she read the entire thing. And in one part I wrote, “Who the hell is Jack?” I can’t get in trouble for that. One little word & I wasn’t the one caught writing in it. If I get in trouble, I’ll be really mad. I shouldn’t get in trouble. Craig treated me as a friend today. I want more, I want him back. He showed me his Science test & said, “Look Krista, I got an A!” What he really did is this: took his F & changed it, like so: A. He definitely likes me as a friend. Great! No, really, it sucks! Today, Doug walked past me & said, “Look it’s Bob. No actually, it’s Bob’s ex-girlfriend!” See Jaime & I used to call Craig “Bob”. That really dug deep into my heart when Doug said that. I guess I never realized I was a girlfriend. That makes me more sad. Doug gave me his school picture. We’re friends & I like that. Hopefully it’ll stay that way. I don’t even want to go out with him really ever because I’m afraid it would hurt our friendship. -Krista.”

It's more fun NOT going out with who you like

Did you understand what I meant or do you still feel ashamed? haha.

So I had just got done saying that it's more fun NOT going out with the person you like and then I made a wish on my birthday candles that Craig would go back out with me. To answer my own question from the entry... Yes, it is surprising because it makes no sense.

Let's hope the next entry is happier... this is getting depressing.

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“12-1-96 Dear Yraid, Hello! Today was my family birthday party. I got a lot of nice stuff. I love everything I got. I’m liking Craig more & more every day now. There’s one thing that confuses me: It’s funny. I can’t really put it into words. Well it’s like when you’re going out with who you like it’s like you’ve got it. But then when you’re not going out with who you like it’s a whole different feeling. You probably don’t’ understand but in a sense, it’s more fun not going out with who you like. Are you lost? Cause if you are, don’t feel ashamed. What I just said was very hard for me to put into words and when I did, it didn’t come out right. When I hear someone say the name ‘Craig’, I suddenly become more alert. You might not believe this- but it’s true: When I made a wish before I blew out my candles tonite, I wished that Craig would go back out with me. Is that surprising or what? Am I obsessing? I don’t’ think so. But geez, I love everything about him- his eyes, his smile, his laugh, his voice, even the way he smells! My gosh! I really do like him. I miss him and want him back. Well, I must go cry myself to sleep like I do every night. Batman.”

Life, Damn Life

Oooh somebody discovered the thesaurus and dictionary...

The quoted song in this entry is "Without You" by Mariah Carey. You can re-live it here.

I used LOVE Mariah Carey. I remember pacing back and forth along the wooden floor of my grandma's spare bedroom, jamming to Mariah's "Music Box" tape on my Walkman and singing along. I must have sounded like an idiot.

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“11-30-96 Dear Yraid, Mournful-feeling or expressing sadness. Dejected-low spirited. Depressed-affected with emotional depression. That’s all how I feel now, without Craig. WHAT DID I DO? I DON’T DESERVE THIS! IS HOULDN’T BE GOING THROUGH THIS PAIN! BUT THAT’S LIFE, DAMN LIFE. “I can’t live- if living is without you. I can’t live- I can’t give anymore.” Well, I have to go to sleep. No, actually go cry- like I do every night before I go to bed. CAN’T THE SORROW END? -Batman”