First of all, I was happy and relieved to learn the "real" reason Craig broke up with me. Unfortunately, I think I interpreted it a *little* wrong. Apparently he didn't necessarily break up with me because he didn't like me... that much IS true. However, I thought he broke up with me because he could never see me outside of school. Sounds innocent enough. After all, he did say, "I couldn't see her out of school ever and that's why I dumped her." So literally, yes, it does sound that way. However, I didn't take what Mark asked into consideration. "How far did you get with Krista?" Craig's answer? "Nowhere [...], that's why I dumped her." Oops. So in fact, he actually dumped me because we could never make out or do whatever else unsupervised 13-year-olds do. Not so reassuring now, huh? Poor little naive me.
And while I didn't read far enough into Craig's answer to Mark's question, I read WAY too far into Richard's "lights are out" comment. Seriously unnecessary.
The most exciting thing of my LIFETIME was walking between two boys. Need I remind you, I didn't even have to DO anything to get the attention! And how cocky I was about it! When I read the first, "I was so cool!", I was sure I missed a letter and meant to write, "IT was so cool!" But then two sentences later, I wrote, "I was so awesome!" What are the chances I wrote it wrong twice? Oh sigh. I really have nothing else to say on the matter.
All this amazing excitement led me to conclude I was GOING TO LOVE BEING A TEENAGER! So full of hope. So wrong.
---
“2-14-97. Dear Diary, I just remembered this: one day in Math (not too long ago) Mark was talking to Craig. Mark said, ‘Craig how far did you get with Krista?’ He said, ‘Nowhere. I couldn’t see her out of school ever & that’s why I dumped her.’ I felt a whole lot better about things! I thought he dumped me because he didn’t like me anymore! He’s a butt, though! On the note Richard wrote me on Tuesday the last note he’s written so far. It says, ‘lights are out!’ I had no clue to what he meant by that & still don’t. Jaime thinks that his mom came in & said, ‘Richard, hunny, it’s time for bed!’ & turned out the lights. But Monica thought that maybe he meant that the relationship is over! I sure hope that’s not what he meant because I love him! A lot! I don’t think that’s what he meant because he wrote also: P.S. WBS, I luv ya! And a heart. Plus, I’m pretty sure he still loves me! I HOPE HE CAN GO TO THE DANCE! On the way out of school yesterday Doug walked up & said something to Richard (I forget what). But then instead of walking next to Richard, he walked next to me! So I was walking in between 2 boys, one I like now & one I used to like! You should have seen it! I was so cool! I mean, attention from 2 boys when I didn’t even do anything! I was so awesome! I think I’m going to love being a teenager! -Krista AKA Sabrina.”
Yes, I wrote outlines in my diary. Not very good ones either. In my defense, I was probably just learning. My mom used to punish me by making me outline chapters of my textbooks. I guess that's what you get when your mom has a Masters in English. There are worse ways a parent could punish their child.
The swearing in this entry is a little intense. I'm not sure what my problem was with Monica. I remember us being good friends and don't remember ever feeling so negatively toward her. Geez. I wish we had more details on that. It was probably a good story!
“2-12-97. Dear Diary, Richard didn’t give me a note today. He said he had too much stuff to do. Today at lunch I saw Doug hand in 3 candy grams. Because he was near me, I walked over to him & asked him who they were to. The 1st name he said was me & then he started naming off every other girl in the cafeteria. Then back in the company are, Doug came up to me & said, ‘Do you really want to know who I sent them to?’ I said ya. Here’s how it went: Doug: Okay, I sent one to Rachel. Me: Why? Doug: Because I want to go back out with her. Me: Don’t even try because she will never go back out with you! Doug: Um, good cause I was lying. And I sent one to you that says ‘Fuck you, you’re a bitch.” And I sent one to Teri that said the same. Me: Oh, ya, whatever. Well, 1) if he really wrote Fuck you you’re a bitch, they wouldn’t send it cuz they look at all of them. So: a) He wrote me one & I won’t get it. b) He wrote me one, but was lying about what he wrote in it. c) Or, he didn’t write one at all. 2) He might possibly be lying that he wrote me one, but I doubt it. I think he really wrote one to me. Why? Because I know he likes Rachel. And I know he’d write one to Teri cuz they’re friends. I hope he wrote me one! Why? I’m not quite sure, I just hope he does. I wrote him one, but I wrote it as a joke. I wrote it like ‘I love you’ & stuff from a secret admirer. I HOPE HE REALLY DID WRITE ONE! Now, what do I get Richard? He’s giving me my gift on Tues, therefore I have awhile to get him something. BUT WHAT? Monica’s a bitch. She’s so damn fat & annoying. Ugh! She is so bossy! I really hate her guts! -Krista”
Back then, I thought Richard was annoying because he gave me too much attention and said he loved me too much. Sounds weird and backwards because shouldn't someone want love and attention in a relationship?
Obviously the answer is yes... but that love usually grows over a period of months and years. In this case, Richard and I had only been dating for two weeks... and the "I love you"s started almost immediately. Even though I never said it and I'm not sure I even actually realized it, I think the real problem was that we just didn't have anything in common. Or rather, that we didn't even know if we had anything in common because we never took the time to find out!
One day we were classmates, the next day we were going out and saying "I love you." We didn't know any better. We just thought that's what people in relationships do. Any time we talked or wrote notes to each other... it was nothing of substance. "What's your cat's name?" "What's your favorite radio station?" Let's be honest, we didn't even spend that much time together. I don't think we talked on the phone much and when we saw each other in school, it was during class, so we didn't really hang out. We quickly passed notes in the hallway and that was about the extent of our communication.
I think what I was realizing, but didn't know I was realizing, was that there was no way we could actually love each other and the whole thing just felt like an act. I was too immature to confront it... so instead I just complained about it and called him annoying. Let's see how much longer this lasts... --- “2-4-97. Dear Diary, Joanne told me that her brother is always talking about me. She says he’s obsessing over me. Before SWEP, Doug & I were standing outside the door. We were reading my note from Richard. Because we were both looking at it, we were standing shoulder to shoulder. Then after SWEP we were walking together to our next class. Again shoulder to shoulder! (Sorry Richard) We’re just friends. But like I’ve said before, I can very well see me & Doug going out in a few years. In Science I asked Craig if I could wear his hat (it was a Cat in the Hat type hat, it was Hat Day). He did that kind of moan that he did when I asked him out at one of the dances. I begged. And he let me! He let me wear it all through Math too! We’re friends. Back to the subject of Richard. Here’s the notes highlights: (Monica has this book & in it, it has a part titled ‘Stereotypes for Common Names.’ My name wasn’t in it. But Richard’s was. His name is stereotyped as ‘very good looking.’ I told him that.) A whole paragraph from his note was: About that stereotyped names thing. I think your name should be in that section of the book. And stereotyped as ‘Very beautiful & #1 on any Good Looking System that anyone made up.’ Because you are beautiful and very good looking. He also wrote Love you very MUCH!! Excuse me but he’s getting a little to into it. He’s really pissing me off! Why does he have to say he loves me every day? I don’t understand! I wish he could just write normal notes! HELP ME! -Krista I think I love Richard”
I already addressed the scandalousness of "Nobody". But in case you've forgotten and because the chorus the girl sings is slightly different than the chorus Keith sings that I posted before... here are some of the lyrics I sang (assuming I actually knew the lyrics):
And who can love you like me Who can sex you like me Who can lay your body down Nobody, baby And who can treat you like me Who can give you what you need And who can do you all night long Nobody, baby
I think the weirdest part of all this is that Chris and I were singing this sexy song in his mother's car WHILE HIS MOTHER WAS DRIVING. I made it clear in the diary entry that it was not funny at the time... we weren't joking around like "haha it's so funny we're singing this totally inappropriate song"... we were serious. I obviously didn't have a problem with it then but ew ew EW it is creeping me out now just thinking about it. I'm so embarassed.
Wait wait... possibly weirder is that we were two hormone-filled teenagers casually singing a song about sex on the way home fromRELIGIOUS ED.
--- “2-2-97. Dear Diary, Nothing much happened today, really. I forgot to tell you, Richard dropped out of the play! He said something else he was doing was conflicting with practices. Anthony told me that Richard has an electric guitar! Cool! Today I carpooled with Chris J to & from CCD. On the way there, like usual we were both singing to the songs. But on the way home ‘Nobody’ by Keith Sweat came on. It was so funny because he sang all of the male parts of the song & I sang the female! It was so funny (but it wasn’t funny then). Then when I was getting out of the car to go inside my house afterwards, Chris said, ‘See ya!’! That’s funny because that’s what Richard usually says to me. And see ya is short for see ya later! When we were walking to the car, we were pretty close together. People who saw us probably thought 1 of 2 things. They either thought, ‘They’re brother & sister’ or they thought, ‘They’re going out!’ Kasey told me that I should go out with him. I would but I don’t think he’d go out with me! He’s kinda cute. Mom & Kasey & Monica all say that Doug & I would make a good couple. Monica keeps saying, ‘I think you & Doug would make the best & cutest couple!’ I’m sorry to say that buy I agree. I mean put our pictures side by side and it just looks ‘right.’ I don’t like him, at all. But, somewhere down the line, in a few years, I can very well see us going out. But for now, I’m not looking forward to it! -Krista I LOVE RICHARD!”
Can you believe that? I danced with Craig not once but twice at the Halloween Dance. That was significant progress in my pursuit. Sure, he still turned me down when I BEGGED him to go out with me, but hey, at that point in my life, two slow dances in one night was the most “action” I had ever gotten from a guy. So, I was happy with that.
Enough about Craig, I know the only thing you really want to know about is the Saturday detention.
OH, but wait. Before I get into that, I need to mention one more thing about the Halloween Dance. You know that hayride I so casually mentioned? Well, it caused quite a stir at the time.
The middle school I attended was near a wooded area locally known as Axe Murder Hollow. The school-organized hayride took us down the dirt road through the Hollow. As if that itself wasn’t scary enough to a bunch of sheltered pre-teens, while we drove down that road in darkness, a teacher read the legend to us aloud… which has something to do with gypsies and someone murdering their family with an axe. Definitely a PG-13 story, at least.
Okay, but wait-- that’s not all. It gets better. Just when we were sufficiently creeped out by the story, a classmate noticed women walking out of the woods dressed as gypsies. And then a man came running down the road with an axe. And another man jumped on the back of the hayride wielding a running CHAINSAW. Some kids were laughing but other kids were freaking out.
Who were these people who came out of the woods? Ohhhh just some teachers from my school.
What the hell were they thinking??? Needless to say, there were enough parent complaints that the haunted hayride did not make a return appearance at the next year’s Halloween Dance.
Oh shoot. Looks like this entry is already long enough. I guess the Saturday detention story will have to wait until next time! ;)
--- “10-25-96 Dear Yraid, Today in school, here’s what happened: Monica let me use this top-coat nail polish that smells like vanilla. I told Craig to smell my nails, he did. But then he took my hand back & smelled my nails with a deep wiff. Strange! I got a Saturday detention. I don’t feel like talking about it. Today at the dance, here’s what happened: 1) Hung out with friends; 2) Got in line for the hayride. Craig was giving out Kit-Kat bars. He only had 2 & he gave them to Doug & ME!; 3) On the hayride, Doug took off my shoe & put hay in it! Doug put hay in my hair. Doug & I talked. Craig & I talked. Craig rubbed my leg (not on purpose though). I asked Craig if he’d dance with me. He took a second to think & then he said, “Fine, as long as your stupid friends stop bugging me!” (Jaime & other people had asked him before); 4) So, I danced with Craig to “I Swear”. It was so fun. Ahhhh!; 5) Hung with friends; 6) Asked Craig if he’d dance with me again. He thought about it and finally said YES!; 7) Danced with Craig (I forget what song). Ahhhh!; 8) As we danced, I asked him out. He thought & thought for the rest of the song & hung his head. He said, “I don’t really want to go out with anyone right now.” I begged him & begged him but finally I just exceeded what he said. 9) Talked with Doug some more. He said he’d talk to Craig about going out with me. Well, that was the dance! Fun beginning, tragic ending. Boo-hoo-hoo! Well, I’ve gotta go! Krista Craig hates me (I think). P.S. I touched Craig’s hair again. P.P.S. He temporarily dyed it green. P.P.P.S. The 2nd time we danced, we were really close! Ahhhh! I heart Craig!”
I apologize for not posting in almost a week... but this summer is crazy. Especially with work. I've been working ten and eleven hour days recently... yikes. But I'm not here for sympathy. I'm here to share with you this drama-filled gem:
(ha... funny the diary entry also starts with an apology for not writing often...)
I can't imagine a more legitimate reason to hate your life other than having a little sister tease you and not give you mints. That is, unless she's also sitting in the highly-desired front seat of the car when she does it. In that case, you might as well wish death upon yourself and apologize for your birth.
Seriously?
There are children in this world with no sisters, no mothers, no cars, and worst of all- no breath mints... and yet I was the one with such a sucky life? I'm embarrassed now by the drama I caused. Sure my sister played instigator... but why was my gut reaction physical violence rather than calmly saying, "Mom, Kasey won't give me the mints" and waiting for Mom to make her hand them over? Sure it'd be kinda whiney, but it definitely would have solved the issue better and faster. Oh the joys of sibling rivalry.
So quick comments about my seventh grade teachers. It's interesting looking back and comparing my first impressions to my last (and current) impressions. In backwards order...
Mr. Jones: First impression = "weird". I'd say that's somewhat accurate. I mean, he wasn't that weird... but he did grunt a lot and had a crooked finger or something. But other than that, I think he was a decent guy.
Mrs. Chandler: First impression = "really nice". I honestly can't even picture what this woman looked like. All I remember is learning about variables. I thought algebra was awesome. Yay math!
Mr. Lohse: First impression = "okay". He flirted with my mom big time when she came to take-your-parent-to-school-day or whatever it was called. He even wrote "Say hi to your mom for me!" in my yearbook at the end of the year. Awkward. He ended up being my favorite teacher that year. He was always super nice to me... probably because he had the hots for my mom.
Mrs. Decker: First impression = "okay". Ohhh Mrs. Decker. She was really supportive of my creative writing (she even read some of my stories out loud to the class) and was really nice to me... until I f-ed up royally. Unfortunately, I don't have enough time right now to discuss the details of the traumatic events I caused in her classroom... but hopefully we'll come back to that soon. Definitely before my 7th grade diary entries are over! Don't you worry!
Dude. Trust me. I didn't like Doug. Really. I just pulled out my pink and yellow markers for fun and coincidentally happened to have colored over his name and only his name. I was probably going to color everyone else's names too but I forgot, or got busy, or got called down for dinner or something. But yeah, it's not what it looks like. It doesn't mean anything that Doug's name is highlighted and- wait a sec- it also looks like I may have changed to black ink for his name... and it looks bold... but trust me, it's not like I was tracing his name over and over again in cursive while daydreaming about our future wedding or what we'd name our children or anything. Haha... we were just friends. I didn't like Doug like that.
MIHS was the high school where we used to go swimming. My fun memories of that pool have since been replaced by the awkward memories of 9th grade pool class. Changing into a bathing suit in front of 50 other girls who probably also had negative self body images... unflattering swim caps... drying my bangs under a hand dryer after class... girls who hadn't yet learned to groom themselves properly...shirtless 14-year-old boys (awkward in any situation)... everyone knowing when it was your "time of the month" because you sat out that week... dealing with stares from the horny 14-year-old boys... seeing the water polo and swim team guys up close in their Speedos... the list goes on and on...
But ANYHOW, back in 1996, I guess I went swimming there and flirted with the lifeguard. Although I question how much flirting I actually did if he was trying to talk to us but I "told him to go away". And he was older AND semi-cute! What was I thinking? Oh man, YM magazine. I totally forgot about that. Turns out it was discontinued in 2004. Who knew? My mom never would have let me get YM in middle school under her watch, in fact, I wasn't allowed to get Seventeen magazine until I was seventeen. But lucky for me, some girl working at a hotel in Pittsburgh gave me the YM while we were visiting for a weekend. I thought I was so cool for having it because I knew it was supposed to be for teenagers.
P.S. Did you notice I started this entry with the same first sentence as my last entry? I love that I felt the need to explain why I was writing a certain way, even if it was just for the hell of it.
It's no surprise that I named a fish after Rider Strong. And Christina Ricci was my favorite actress at the time (because of Casper and Now and Then). I used to be fascinated with Ancient Egypt, so that explains the fish King Tut. I'm guessing Charlie is from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but I'm not sure. However, I have no idea why I had a fish named Pillsbury Doughboy.
At first, I was completely puzzled by the fish named "Mockolate" too. But after some googling, I found it's from an episode of Friends that first aired on November 16, 1995 (the day before I named the fish!). On the show, Monica had to create recipes with a disgusting synthetic chocolate substitute called "Mockolate". I only vaguely remember the episode now but I must have thought it was hysterical at the time.
So many great things in this entry!
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