   Yes, I wrote outlines in my diary. Not very good ones either. In my defense, I was probably just learning. My mom used to punish me by making me outline chapters of my textbooks. I guess that's what you get when your mom has a Masters in English. There are worse ways a parent could punish their child.
The swearing in this entry is a little intense. I'm not sure what my problem was with Monica. I remember us being good friends and don't remember ever feeling so negatively toward her. Geez. I wish we had more details on that. It was probably a good story!“2-12-97. Dear Diary, Richard didn’t give me a note today. He said he had too much stuff to do. Today at lunch I saw Doug hand in 3 candy grams. Because he was near me, I walked over to him & asked him who they were to. The 1st name he said was me & then he started naming off every other girl in the cafeteria. Then back in the company are, Doug came up to me & said, ‘Do you really want to know who I sent them to?’ I said ya. Here’s how it went: Doug: Okay, I sent one to Rachel. Me: Why? Doug: Because I want to go back out with her. Me: Don’t even try because she will never go back out with you! Doug: Um, good cause I was lying. And I sent one to you that says ‘Fuck you, you’re a bitch.” And I sent one to Teri that said the same. Me: Oh, ya, whatever. Well, 1) if he really wrote Fuck you you’re a bitch, they wouldn’t send it cuz they look at all of them. So: a) He wrote me one & I won’t get it. b) He wrote me one, but was lying about what he wrote in it. c) Or, he didn’t write one at all. 2) He might possibly be lying that he wrote me one, but I doubt it. I think he really wrote one to me. Why? Because I know he likes Rachel. And I know he’d write one to Teri cuz they’re friends. I hope he wrote me one! Why? I’m not quite sure, I just hope he does. I wrote him one, but I wrote it as a joke. I wrote it like ‘I love you’ & stuff from a secret admirer. I HOPE HE REALLY DID WRITE ONE! Now, what do I get Richard? He’s giving me my gift on Tues, therefore I have awhile to get him something. BUT WHAT? Monica’s a bitch. She’s so damn fat & annoying. Ugh! She is so bossy! I really hate her guts! -Krista”
   Did I really think I was being a good girlfriend? I would buy Richard a Candi-Gram "if I remembered." I imagined a time in the future when Richard and I were "done with our relationship". I don't think anyone was expecting to marry their middle school boyfriend, but it's funny to see it addressed so plainly. What was the point?
I like how I just casually mentioned I had safety goggles from Erie Plating as if I went there every day. Actually, if I remember correctly, I was somehow chosen to "shadow" someone at Erie Plating with a 3 or 4 other students. I feel like whoever we shadowed was a pretty intelligent chemist or something... but I was not interested. Here's what I do remember...
- Free safety goggles
- Dipping a quarter in some kind of liquid to plate it... that was pretty cool
- Learning that AC-DC can mean "bisexual." A piece of equipment had a voltage label for AC & DC and one of the boys on the tour told me the slang.
Unfortunately, it seems "AC-DC" is the only thing I learned that day. At least I learned something?
“2-6-97. Dear Diary, Richard didn’t give me a note today. I don’t really know why, but I don’t really care. He put a Happy Ad on announcements for me. The whole school saw it! It said, ‘To: Krista. I’m thinking of you! Love, Richard.’ He told me that he’s putting another one on for me tomorrow! I think that’s really sweet! He also is giving me a Candi-gram! I’m gonna buy him one tomorrow if I remember. Before I went into Social Studies, Doug stopped me & gave me a broken pencil. He said, ‘Here’s a little present!’ Then Teri said, ‘Yeah Krista, it’s his Valentines Day present to you!’ What was that supposed to mean? I’m not quite sure. Then, I was walking out of school with Richard & Doug was walking next to me but with his friends. He didn’t know I was there until I pushed him. Then he looked at me & said, ‘Oh, hi!’ Then I put on my safety goggles I got from Erie Plating today. Then Doug said, ‘Oh, cool! Where’d you get those?’ I told him & then he asked me if he could wear them. I said, ‘Sure!’ & gave them to him. Then he put them on & started running around the lobby with them on. I practically had to strangle him to get them back! I think we’re just friends. But when Richard & I are done with our relationship & if Doug wants to go out with me, I’d probably say yes. But for now, we’re just friends. Gotta go! Krista I love Richard. P.S. KC said that Richard’s getting me a rose for Valentine’s Day.”
   Oooh suspicious! Doug (the "dog") might be cheating on Jaime? Or rather, might like another girl? Really, was this that big of a deal back in a time where most relationships only lasted a couple weeks and most people knew the next person they'd date before they broke up with their current sig other?
Let's get down to what this was really about. I'd say about 20% of me really cared about Doug's interests for my best friend Jaime's sake. I'm willing to bet that, whether I would have admitted it or not at the time, 80% of my concern was really based in how Doug's actions affected me. It's not fair to Jaime that Doug sent Teri a Candy Gram and wanted to buy her a Christmas present. But it wasn't fair to ME that Doug claimed that both Teri and I were his friends... and I didn't get any gifts or special treatment like Teri did!
I was probably just being overly sensitive...
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“12-27-96. Dear Yraid, Hello. Whenever I listen to “I’m Everything I Am Because You Loved Me” I cry. I don’t really think of one spisiphic person, I just think of how I don’t have anyone. It’s just an empty hole. A deep, sad, lonely hole. I wish I could fill it. I really want someone to love, someone to be there for me. Jaime says not to worry. I guess she’s right. There are lots of fish in the sea. I don’t cry when I hear “Unbreak My Heart” because that’s not really sad for me. My heart isn’t really broken by anyone- currently. Actually, the song should go “I’m Everything I Am Because Someone Loved Me”. Lianna likes Steve. She’s asking him out. I think he’ll say yes. Great! Then I’ll be surrounded by couples & I’ll have even more of a reason to be depressed! Oh well! I should move on my life! Geez! Doug is being a poopy fart head. He’s not being very loyal to Jaime. I think there’s something fishy going on between him & Teri. They sent each other Candy Grams. Doug’s to Teri said, “You SUK” and Teri’s to Doug said “Merry Christmas! Kiss Jaime soon!” Nothing weird there. But at school he hangs out with Teri an awful lot. Then Jaime said that she was talking to Doug on the phone & he said, “I need to get Teri a Christmas present still.” How rude! He told Jaime that! His own girlfriend! How insensitive! Doesn’t he know that girls have feelings? Ones that can be easily hurt? DUMB! He’ll probably claim they’re just friends. Oh? Well he says that we’re friends but I didn’t get a Candy Gram from him, I didn’t get a present. Plus, if he is just getting her a present as a friend, then why isn’t he getting his ‘guy’ friends presents? He’s rude, insensitive, & well stupid. Did I say a dog? Well, I meant to. – Krista the lonely P.S. I took a test in a magazine. It resulted that I am Overly Sensitive. I can’t help it! It’s not my fault! My feelings are just easily hurt! Jeez!”
  In case you didn't have them at your middle school, Candygrams were notes, presumably with candy (although I don't remember what kind), that you'd send to your classmates at school through the Student Council or something. You could buy them at lunch and they'd be delivered to the recipients in their homeroom later that week. Of course, the popular and pretty girls always had desks full of candygrams from all their secret admirers. But I'd be lucky to even get one. And when I did, it was usually from a BFF who I had made an agreement with that we'd send each other Candygrams so wouldn't look like total losers. I think they were like 50 cents each and I assume the proceeds went to charity, but again, that's another detail I don't recall. Around Valentine's Day, they did a similar sale but with carnations, the most romantic flower in the world.
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"12-12-96. Dear Yraid, So I do like Richard. But it is a weird feeling. I like him but I'm not sure if I would want to go out with him though. I mean he’s really cute. But he can be really strange- but so am I. I don’t like it when he wears his glasses though. I kinda want to go out with him. Oh well! I don’t think Jaime’s going to dump Doug now. She sent him a Candy Gram that said “I Heart You!” in it. Doug sent her one that said “Love ya!” He does hang around with Teri a little too much. I wish I had someone who loved me as much as Doug loves Jaime. As much as Craig USED TO like me. I wish someone would just love & respect me like Craig… or… Richard. Maybe Richard, maybe. Well, I’ll see ya. Krista. P.S. I think Richard is helping me get over Craig. I mean not Richard, literally. It’s because I’m starting to like Richard, therefore, I’m getting over Craig! I only cry a little when I hear a sad song now! GO ME! I LIKE RICHARD! I ALMOST STILL LOVE CRAIG!”
  In most diary entries from 7th grade, there's usually at least one thing that makes me cringe. And I don't mean content... I mean grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. This entry takes the cake. Two cringes in one sentence.
Cringe #1: "Him and I were at our lockers"
Cringe #2: "said to no one impirticular"
Nonononono! He, not him. Eek.
I guess it's kind of cute that I thought "in particular" was one word spelled "impirticular", but I feel like by 7th grade you should know that phrase. Nowadays, I'm a grammar/punctuation/spelling snob, so maybe I'm being too hard on my 7th grade self. Actually, I just did a Google search for "impirticular" and Google says: "Did you mean: imparticular". And get this... even though there are only 10 search results for "impirticular", there are 19,000 results for "imparticular". I can't believe there are that many idiots out there (most of which are probably adults too!).
Oh crap. Guess what I just realized? Pretty soon after I post this, this blog entry is going to be the 11th search result for "impirticular" and the 19,000-somethingth result for "imparticular". Nooooooo! I want to be part of the solution- not part of the problem!
P.S. Okay, now that you know I'm a grammar/punctuation/spelling snob, don't go and get all critical of my blog posts on me. I know there have been multiple times that I've ended a sentence with a preposition or written a split infinitive or used incorrect subject-verb agreement or had too many passive sentences or overused ellipses. Every time I do one of these things, please understand, I do cringe and consider changing it. Sometimes I do change it, but other times I just think "F it". I never intended for this blog to be an example of my best writing. So don't judge. Trust me, if you're bothered by something I've written incorrectly, it's probably bothering me just as much if not more. So I apologize. But, whatever... F it. :P
 Not much to comment about on this entry... just wanted to post it to let you know that Craig's 19-day romance with Teri was over and he was officially back on the market!
  Pee-poop? Seriously? Definitely highlights how young I really was at the time. I probably thought I was becoming pretty mature, but clearly, I was a long ways off.
OH MAN! I said I'd kiss Craig?! That's a huge step. Earlier, I commented that if Craig and I dated, I would break up with him if he tried to put the moves on me. But at this point, I was inviting it... somewhat reluctantly... but still! Bring it on!
So my pinky nail and only my pinky nail was super long in seventh grade. It was so long, I used to paint it in a rainbow of stripes. It was totally innocent and pure coincidence that it was my pinky nail that hadn't broken yet and grew so long. Many years later, someone told me that some people grow their pinky nails long to use for snorting coke. A matter of fact, it's even commonly listed as a warning sign that your kid is on drugs. This webpage "How to tell if your teen is using drugs" says:
"Another way to tell, is to look at their fingernails. A long pinky nail is a sure sign of it, most coke addicts have a long pinky nail to take quick snorts of cocaine." Who knew? Not me, obviously. I wonder if my parents or teachers were ever suspicious. Part of me is surprised that no one never questioned my long pinky nail. But most of me isn't. I was a good kid, usually. And I was too innocent and naive to be involved with drugs. Even if someone thought I might be doing drugs, they'd probably reconsider once they heard my vocabulary. "Oh, did I just hear her just use the word "pee-poop"? Yeah, guaranteed she doesn't even know what cocaine is."
  My goodness was I relentless! Craig refused to dance with me until all my annoying friends begged him to... he flat-out said no when I personally asked him to be my boyfriend... and after all that rejection, I still "loved" him and still wished he'd go out with me? Obviously there are lots of situations in life when tenacity is a great quality to have, but pursuing a middle school crush is not one of them. I mean, really, even if you ended up getting the guy at some point, how could you feel good about it? If he actually liked you, he wouldn't have needed to be threatened/strangled/verbally assaulted/constantly annoyed over a period of weeks before finally giving in (giving up?). What the hell kind of relationship is that? If a guy doesn't respond favorably to your advances from the start, just move on until you find someone who does. haha. No sense wasting your time.
Easy for me to say now... but middle school was slightly more confusing because there were other factors that I think affected boys' decisions... peer pressure, popularity, whether a girl had boobs yet, etc. I'm actually not at all sure about that last one, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised. Thirteen is an awkward age all around.
I guess we'll see what happens from here...
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Yes, I wrote outlines in my diary. Not very good ones either. In my defense, I was probably just learning. My mom used to punish me by making me outline chapters of my textbooks. I guess that's what you get when your mom has a Masters in English. There are worse ways a parent could punish their child.
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