Lots of Nonsense & Swearing

WARNING: Be prepared for excessive swearing in the following entry...

Ah, more evidence of how young and naive I was. Not only did I not know how to spell the word 'horny', I also had no clue what it meant. Did you catch when I described Bryce's laugh as "hard, horney, and fake"? I definitely didn't know what the hell I was saying. I really wonder what I thought 'horny' meant at the time. I mean, I can't even use context clues from that sentence to try to figure out what I may have thought it meant. Ugh. I'm sure I was probably using that word wrong all over the place. Awkward. It's not exactly a word you'd want to randomly slip into casual conversation without knowing the definition. Oh crap. What if I unknowingly used it in school assignments? "Today in English class, we read 'The Call of the Wild'. Also, I was really horney." Well, I guess if that would have happened, my teacher would have confronted me or sent a note home or something.

Moving onto... Bryce. She caused a lot of anger in my group of friends for some reason. Remember my friend Lianna who never swore and got mad at anyone who did? Well, the first time Lianna ever swore was because of something Bryce did. I can't remember the exact offense, but it caused Lianna to be so overcome with emotion that she muttered the word "bitch" before she even realized what she was saying. To this day, I think Lianna is still convinced that if it wasn't for Bryce, she would have never sworn ever. Unfortunately, I really don't remember the specifics of the apparent drama Bryce caused in my clique... but as we've learned, it was middle school and everyone caused drama.

Which brings me to my next point: Allison. Why the heck was I so worked up over a stupid bus seat?!?! Was filling half a page with 30 "BITCH!"s really necessary? Sounds like I needed a chill pill.

OMG it's almost 7th grade!!!

Dude. Trust me. I didn't like Doug. Really. I just pulled out my pink and yellow markers for fun and coincidentally happened to have colored over his name and only his name. I was probably going to color everyone else's names too but I forgot, or got busy, or got called down for dinner or something. But yeah, it's not what it looks like. It doesn't mean anything that Doug's name is highlighted and- wait a sec- it also looks like I may have changed to black ink for his name... and it looks bold... but trust me, it's not like I was tracing his name over and over again in cursive while daydreaming about our future wedding or what we'd name our children or anything. Haha... we were just friends. I didn't like Doug like that.

Am I allowed to call BULL SHIT on my former self?

Halloween Dance

I had my friend Shannon ask Rob if he would dance with me at the upcoming Halloween dance...
Hmm... Aaron didn't know where to put his hands when dancing with me? Where exactly did he put them? Dancing wasn't very complicated in middle school... traditionally, it involved the girl's hands on the boy's shoulders, the boy's hands on the girl's waist, a distance of about a foot between the pair, and a side-to-side swaying motion combined with a slow 360 degree rotation. If a couple really liked each other, you could tell because their slow dance would appear more like an extended three-minute hug. And if the girl's head was on the boy's shoulder... well, that was about as intense as it got.

So, I'm confused as to how Aaron could screw that up. I really wish I would have given more detail about where exactly he did put his hands. Oh no. What if he tried to put his hands on my shoulders?? I think I remember there being couples with their hands on each other's shoulders... like two zombies who ran smack into each other and got stuck.

Well, I suppose it was the Halloween dance after all...

So Naive

I don't like anyone... Rob and I are just friends... but if Rob asked me out, I'd say yes. Hm. Something doesn't add up. I see right through you 11-year-old me.

That's cute how you say you don't think people should be boyfriend and girlfriend until 8th grade... right after admitting you're jealous of Rachel and Doug for dating. That's funny how you hide behind your false sense of maturity, thinking you're so much wiser than all the couples who are dating but aren't truly "in love". If it's so easy to get a boyfriend (all the guys just think "why not?"), why are YOU single 11YOMe (11-year-old me)?

Actually, it's kind of sweet how innocent and optimistic you are, new middle-schooler. How confidently you're able to convince yourself that you're the one who is normal and everyone else is wrong. So you may make contradicting statements, 11YOMe, but it works for you... for now.

I hate to ruin the surprise, but the next three years are going to be filled with more rejection, heartache, and drama than you've ever experienced in your 11 years. And you will leave middle school jaded in regard to love and friendships.

So keep reassuring yourself as long as possible 11YOMe, because at some point, you'll start to doubt.

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P.S. Also note the *list* of people going out. Lists are like crack to me.

Doug & Ed

Wait a sec... so... I suspected both Doug and Ed of liking me, Doug because he was too mean to me and Ed because he was too nice to me? How does this make sense? I guess if you were a boy and simply paid attention to me in 6th grade, I could find a reason to assume you had a crush on me. Wishful thinking.

I love seeing this early example of my anal retentive list-making habits. It's not clear why those reasons needed to be represented in numbered lists rather than written out and separated by commas. I guess I never have been able to pass up any opportunity for list-making. Ahhh, I love lists.