I want my freedom & stuff

"I want my freedom"... from what?? We never saw each other outside of school, we never talked on the phone, we didn't even sit together at lunch. We exchanged notes in the hallway and that's about it.

And my alternative was Rob, a boy who I would definitely make a really cute couple with, but who may not go out with me. Hell, he may not even LIKE me.

I'm really anxious to see how this is going to work out... haha.

---
"3-3-97. Dear Diary, I might dump Richard tomorrow. I'm not sure. At lunch & after I was really serious about it. I told like everyone I saw! Now I'm not quite sure if I should. I still like him but I don't want to go out with him anymore. I want my freedom & stuff. Should I OR shouldn't I? HELP. I think I've told too many people to not dump him. Ugh! HELP! Kara, Lianna, & Jaime all think that Rob & I would make a really good couple. Jaime said so even though she likes him! Agh! What to do, what to do? I'm starting to agree with them. Would he ever go out with me though? Krista"

Valentine's Dance

Sorry I haven't posted in a couple days... I'm have a nasty cold and I'm trying to fight it with lots of sleep. Yuck.

But now, here's the monster five-page diary entry I promised...
First of all, on the first page, the green and pink fingerprints are my own. On the first pink print from the right, you can see my scar from the tuna fish can incident. Pretty bad ass, right?

Welp, looks like Lindsay was right- Rob really did just want a girlfriend to make out with. He must have been pretty determined to fulfill that goal because he certainly picked an easy target... I remember Danielle having a reputation for moving pretty quickly with guys (probably meaning she had made out with a handful of boys... while my friends and I hadn't even held hands with a boy yet).

Aw crap, I like Doug AGAIN? Nooooo! You know, if a guys hands are sweating when he dances with you, that's a SURE sign he likes you. Seriously? Maybe his hands were sweating because he was so uncomfortable. Wouldn't anyone be uncomfortable slow dancing to Waterfalls (a not-so-slow song)? Ugh. What were we thinking?

Now I hate Rob?

What I wrote at the end there gets a little small... so if you can't read it, it says:
"I think Rider is the best person on Earth. I heart Rider King Strong! We are going to Disney in 13 days! I didn't mention this yet, but my party was great!"

Uh oh, Kristin's mom walked around the mall with us. You know what that means... no Spencer's!

I looked up the episode of Boy Meets World that I would have been talking about... the one where Rider Strong was "looking so hot" and "acting so cool"... and I've gotta tell ya, I don't see the attraction. A matter of fact, Shawn and Cory are wearing cheerleader outfits in the beginning of it. I'm so confused. I will admit though, Rider did have some pretty awesome hair. Even my hair today doesn't look as good as his did then.

Here's the episode on YouTube if you want to watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7hA6SfmoFA

Someone likes me?

Again, it's the "I'm too young for a relationship" story. I'm not buying it.

So contradictory... who did I think I was fooling?

Halloween Dance

I had my friend Shannon ask Rob if he would dance with me at the upcoming Halloween dance...
Hmm... Aaron didn't know where to put his hands when dancing with me? Where exactly did he put them? Dancing wasn't very complicated in middle school... traditionally, it involved the girl's hands on the boy's shoulders, the boy's hands on the girl's waist, a distance of about a foot between the pair, and a side-to-side swaying motion combined with a slow 360 degree rotation. If a couple really liked each other, you could tell because their slow dance would appear more like an extended three-minute hug. And if the girl's head was on the boy's shoulder... well, that was about as intense as it got.

So, I'm confused as to how Aaron could screw that up. I really wish I would have given more detail about where exactly he did put his hands. Oh no. What if he tried to put his hands on my shoulders?? I think I remember there being couples with their hands on each other's shoulders... like two zombies who ran smack into each other and got stuck.

Well, I suppose it was the Halloween dance after all...

Being a Siamese Twin Really Kills My Game

Oh my awesome. An entry with not one, but TWO lists. <3

Poor Greg. In 1993, I was in love with him... but then, just three years later, the thought of us dating disgusted me so much it elicited a "YUCK!".

And seriously, what were Lianna and I thinking when we decided to be Siamese twins for the Halloween dance? It was hard enough for me to get any positive attention from boys in 6th grade... walking around all night attached to my best friend certainly wasn't going to help that situation. Well, unless there was a cute boy there who had happened to have developed an early fetish for conjoined twins, but that was not the case.

I might as well have dressed up as "ugly" or "acne" or "obese"... or really any other physical disability. What boy would see me as a Siamese twin and think, "Man, Krista looks good tonight! I really want to dance with her!"??

And as if the eleven-year-old guys in my class weren't scared enough by one boy-crazy girl... let's strap two together for double the intimidation.

"Hey Rob... wanna dance? ...with me? ...AND this other girl who just happens to be sharing an extra-large sweatshirt with me?"

How WEIRD.

Scrunchies

Did you notice I called Rob "cute" at first and then crossed it out and wrote "hot"? He was soooo not just cute caliber, he was *HOT*. Hot, hot, hot! Um, right. As hot as a boy can be at age eleven.

What can possibly be hot about a pre-teen boy? No muscles... no height... no five o'clock shadow... high voice... oh wait, I suppose Rob did have hair that "goes like this".

So Naive

I don't like anyone... Rob and I are just friends... but if Rob asked me out, I'd say yes. Hm. Something doesn't add up. I see right through you 11-year-old me.

That's cute how you say you don't think people should be boyfriend and girlfriend until 8th grade... right after admitting you're jealous of Rachel and Doug for dating. That's funny how you hide behind your false sense of maturity, thinking you're so much wiser than all the couples who are dating but aren't truly "in love". If it's so easy to get a boyfriend (all the guys just think "why not?"), why are YOU single 11YOMe (11-year-old me)?

Actually, it's kind of sweet how innocent and optimistic you are, new middle-schooler. How confidently you're able to convince yourself that you're the one who is normal and everyone else is wrong. So you may make contradicting statements, 11YOMe, but it works for you... for now.

I hate to ruin the surprise, but the next three years are going to be filled with more rejection, heartache, and drama than you've ever experienced in your 11 years. And you will leave middle school jaded in regard to love and friendships.

So keep reassuring yourself as long as possible 11YOMe, because at some point, you'll start to doubt.

---
P.S. Also note the *list* of people going out. Lists are like crack to me.

Doug & Ed

Wait a sec... so... I suspected both Doug and Ed of liking me, Doug because he was too mean to me and Ed because he was too nice to me? How does this make sense? I guess if you were a boy and simply paid attention to me in 6th grade, I could find a reason to assume you had a crush on me. Wishful thinking.

I love seeing this early example of my anal retentive list-making habits. It's not clear why those reasons needed to be represented in numbered lists rather than written out and separated by commas. I guess I never have been able to pass up any opportunity for list-making. Ahhh, I love lists.

Diary #2

Diary #2 is fancy and has pictures and quotes printed in the margins. You'll notice I colored the first few pages and then got lazy after that.

Life Sucks

Oh yes, the infamous temper tantrum over Clue. I believe this happened shortly after we were all in a good mood, laughing at my sister for making an accusation involving the "leed" (lead) pipe. And I think, that night, we were playing the game on my bedroom floor...

Not sure why, but I used to love hosting events in my room as a kid. Like the one time I insisted we have St. Patrick's Day dinner at a card table set up in my bedroom because my walls were painted green and it was festive. Never mind the fact that we're not Irish at all and we never had before and never would again celebrate St. Patty's Day as a family. I doubt we even ate anything remotely Irish that night. As a good hostess though, I did provide dinner music... in the form of the New Kids on the Block Christmas cassette. Maybe that's why there was never a second annual St. Patrick's Day dinner in my bedroom...

But I suppose that may also explain why losing a game on my turf angered me so much that I chucked the Clue board across the room, sending cards and miniature weapons flying, and stormed out of my own bedroom. I was so outraged over the fact that my own mother would dare to beat me at my game in my bedroom. In my room, I expected to have the privilege to win all the games... just as I had the power to force four other people to listen to the completely irrelevant and awful dinner music I personally wanted to hear. So, sorry Mom... for both offenses.

In retrospect, I'm really surprised how upset I was about this. I'm especially shocked that I claimed to hate my dad just because he says everything is "slick". He still uses "slick" to this day and I actually like it... because, honestly, my dad is the only person I know who uses that word... and so it will always remind me of him. But when I think of it now, it's with fondness... not anger! I think I was just looking for an excuse to be mad. Apparently, life sucked.

It's a Tough Life

Check it out Diary

Two things:
1. I don't remember if I liked Jazz (dance) class or not. I must not have liked it that much because I quit after the recital. However, I do remember that we danced to the theme from the Mortal Kombat movie for the recital... and that's pretty funny.

2. Regarding the radio shows I used to do... In 4th grade, my parents bought me a Sony boombox that was so awesome you could plug TWO microphones into it at once. One of my favorite hobbies became making radio shows, often by myself... but when friends came over, they were routinely recruited as sidekicks. Sometimes the recordings followed a typical radio show format (complete with commercials)... but more often than not they involved stupid segments that no one would ever want to listen to voluntarily. Such as... walking around the house and recording a distinct sound from each room (my sister's gerbils squeaking in her bedroom, the microwave buttons in the kitchen, obviously the toilet flushing in the bathroom, etc.).

I don't remember much else specific about those radio shows, but when I go home this weekend, I'm going to see if I can dig up those old cassette tapes...

OJ's Innocent!

Detention Warning

Rob

* Actually, I double-checked and I can't find any prior mention of Rob in this diary. Odd.

My Valentines Day gift to you

Happy Valentines Day!

Guess what I found??? As promised... I actually wrote this list in high school (1999)... either late 9th or early 10th grade judging by the diary I found it in.

Rider Strong did indeed start it all! Doug (#5) is the only guy on the list that has already been mentioned in the diary entries you've read. Rob (#4) will be coming up in 6th grade entries and Richard (#2) will be introduced in 7th grade. The other guys are from high school, celebrities, or random people I barely even knew.

Happy Valentines Day to you and your favorite hairstyle. :)