  All the incessant pestering and begging from myself and my friends was finally paying off! Good thing the "screaming NO" did not deter me. Sounds like Craig would make an excellent boyfriend.
---
“October 29, 1996 Dear Yraid, Oh my GOD! Okay, whenever anyone asked Craig if he’d go out with me, he would always scream no in their face. Today in Science Content Lit, Moe asked him if he would go out with me. He said maybe. Wow! He said maybe! But then I thought, maybe he’s just trying to be nice & didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I remembered that when Moe kept saying “you guys would make a perfect couple” in Science, he didn’t get mad or anything. But I still thought he was just trying to be nice. Well, then at the end of the day at our lockers I said to Craig, “Think about it, okay?” He said, “Okay.” I finished packing my bookbag. Craig then walked over to where I was and said to me, “Okay, I upgraded the maybe to a maybe-probably.” Whoa! That is unbelievable. Gee, I hope tomorrow he says yes! Ooh! I can’t wait! Krista”
Okay, so I promised I’d tell the dramatic (and really embarrassing) story of my Saturday detention.
Here we go!
In 7th grade English class, the teacher had one of those fancy electronic dictionary things where you could type in a word and it'd show the definition. As an added bonus, it would even say the word out loud so that you could hear the pronunciation-- which, in it’s stupid robotic voice, was probably only correct like 80% of the time.
Anyhow, one day, I was using the electronic dictionary and Mrs. Decker left the room. Not long after she left, I found a function on the dictionary that could pronounce whole sentences-- any string of words you typed in. And what does (almost) any 13-year-old do when given this power? Right. She starts typing inappropriate words and phrases.
So I was having the dictionary say things and kids from the class started gathering around me to hear. People were cracking up and I felt like the funniest comedian on Earth. I don’t remember the majority of what I typed… but one phrase sticks in my mind to this day because of how ridiculous it was. Sometime in elementary school, I learned the phrase "you suck" and then later in middle school, I found out that the phrase had some sort of sexual connotation, but I wasn't sure what. I typed into the dictionary “Maria sucks”… and then took it one step further and finished the sentence obscenely as “Maria sucks Pat.” Totally inappropriate. But I barely knew what I was saying at the time. Regardless, it got quite a reaction from my classmates when I hit *play*. I thought I was the shit.
I continued my talking-dictionary stand-up routine until all of a sudden, Mrs. Decker came back in the classroom. She saw all the students standing around my desk and knew something was up. She snatched the device from me, took it to the front of the room, and hit the button which played the last thing previously typed.
As Mrs. Decker held the dictionary in her hands… it said in it‘s dumb electronic voice…
DECKER IS GAY.
Ohhhhhh crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap. Nonononono.
She walked me down to the principal’s office so fast I could barely process what was happening. Once we got there, the principal phoned my mom immediately (oh crap times 5 billion) and called some of the other students from our English class down to her office to hear their side of the story because I think at this point I was still denying it.
One of the classmates interrogated was my best friend Meghan. She stood against the wall in the office, scared shitless, as the principal grilled her. Meghan, bless her heart, didn’t want to incriminate me and tried to dodge the questions, but I could tell she felt so conflicted… she didn‘t want to get me in trouble, but she didn’t want to lie. She thought I would get mad at her for telling the truth. Meghan started tearing up. How could I see my best friend struggle like that? I let her off the hook and said, “Meghan, you can tell the truth.” She said, “Krista did it” and started crying. I’m not even sure I was crying. Poor Meghan.
And that was how I got a Saturday detention. And was required to write apology letters to everyone I offended.
I don’t remember how long my mom grounded me for but she definitely did not let me off easy. Instead of letting me do homework or crossword puzzles or read a book in Saturday detention, she made me memorize maps of Europe and Asia. Maybe even South America and Africa… I forget.
I typically wasn’t a bully or a bad kid… so I really felt like a failure for screwing up so royally and disappointing my family, teachers, and friends.
In detention, I took a break from memorizing maps and wrote this poem “to” my mom… ---
I’m not, I can’t
I’m not everything you wish I was
I’m not the perfect person
You might think memorizing is what it takes
But I have learned my lesson
I can’t do everything you wish I could,
I get up just again to fall
You really do have faith in me
But I’m not smart at all
I can’t be who you wish I was,
I’m really sorry, don’t you see?
I wish I was who you want
But you are stuck with me
Sorry guys... I promise, next time I'll write about the Saturday detention. I wrote some of it down tonight, but I want to make sure I didn't forget any details! Next time, PROMISE.
Luckily for you though, this is a darn good diary entry...    You're already familiar with how I gave myself the nickname SuperGirl in 6th grade. Of course, Doug turned that into StupidGirl and called me that instead. Jerk.
Yes, Doug somehow managed to date all my friends and not me... even though I was the one who liked him for yearsssss. First, he dated my good friend Rachel in 6th grade... and then he dated my good friend Jaime in 7th grade. Whatev. I wouldn't want a date a guy who called me StupidGirl anyhow.
“I’M NOT SQUARE! I’D DO ANYTHING TO GO OUT WITH CRAIG!” Hahaha. What?!?! That's all I can say. What?!?!
Like I said... Saturday detention next time... promise!!
---
“10-28-96 Dear Yraid, Today I wrote a note to Doug asking him if he’d go out with Jaime & if he’ll get Craig to go out with me. Here’s what he wrote back in his exact words. Dear Stupid Girl, I guess I’ll go out with Jaime. I kinda like her. I will try to get Craig to go out with you. Maybe we could double-date but last time, it didn’t work out that great. Does Jaime like me? Oh well. See ya later, stupid girl! -Doug AKA “CC” AKA Count Demorte. That’s exactly what he wrote. I didn’t’ want to put the note in here because I didn’t. He wants Craig to go out with me! He wants to double-date with me! Is it just me or does it sound like we’re friends? So now Jaime & Doug are going out! Doug wanted Jaime to call him but Jaime told me she didn’t know what to say, so I called him 3-way! Doug & I talked most of the time. We talked about our past together. Jaime didn’t even really talk at all. Jaime told me she asked Craig 6th period if he’d go out with me. She said he said he’s still deciding. Doug said he asked Craig 7th period & Craig said that he thinks I’m square. I’M NOT SQUARE. I’D DO ANYTHING TO GO OUT WITH CRAIG! I told Doug to tell Craig to go out with me. Doug said he would & he’d beat him up if he had to! Wow! Doug really wants us to go out! The 2nd time I danced with Craig, he said “hold on” & she started tangoing with me across the gym. What is that supposed to mean??? It was really weird! Oh & then, on the hayride, Craig accidentally squeezed my knee. I said, “Craig, I find that very flattering, but not right now.” Then as we walked back into school, he kept bending down & squeezing my knees! My gosh! Craig said, “Oh poo-poo” again today. You know, just to see me laugh. Gotta go! Krista I am certainly not square””
   Can you believe that? I danced with Craig not once but twice at the Halloween Dance. That was significant progress in my pursuit. Sure, he still turned me down when I BEGGED him to go out with me, but hey, at that point in my life, two slow dances in one night was the most “action” I had ever gotten from a guy. So, I was happy with that.
Enough about Craig, I know the only thing you really want to know about is the Saturday detention.
OH, but wait. Before I get into that, I need to mention one more thing about the Halloween Dance. You know that hayride I so casually mentioned? Well, it caused quite a stir at the time.
The middle school I attended was near a wooded area locally known as Axe Murder Hollow. The school-organized hayride took us down the dirt road through the Hollow. As if that itself wasn’t scary enough to a bunch of sheltered pre-teens, while we drove down that road in darkness, a teacher read the legend to us aloud… which has something to do with gypsies and someone murdering their family with an axe. Definitely a PG-13 story, at least.
Okay, but wait-- that’s not all. It gets better. Just when we were sufficiently creeped out by the story, a classmate noticed women walking out of the woods dressed as gypsies. And then a man came running down the road with an axe. And another man jumped on the back of the hayride wielding a running CHAINSAW. Some kids were laughing but other kids were freaking out.
Who were these people who came out of the woods? Ohhhh just some teachers from my school.
What the hell were they thinking??? Needless to say, there were enough parent complaints that the haunted hayride did not make a return appearance at the next year’s Halloween Dance.
Oh shoot. Looks like this entry is already long enough. I guess the Saturday detention story will have to wait until next time! ;)
---
“10-25-96 Dear Yraid, Today in school, here’s what happened: Monica let me use this top-coat nail polish that smells like vanilla. I told Craig to smell my nails, he did. But then he took my hand back & smelled my nails with a deep wiff. Strange! I got a Saturday detention. I don’t feel like talking about it. Today at the dance, here’s what happened: 1) Hung out with friends; 2) Got in line for the hayride. Craig was giving out Kit-Kat bars. He only had 2 & he gave them to Doug & ME!; 3) On the hayride, Doug took off my shoe & put hay in it! Doug put hay in my hair. Doug & I talked. Craig & I talked. Craig rubbed my leg (not on purpose though). I asked Craig if he’d dance with me. He took a second to think & then he said, “Fine, as long as your stupid friends stop bugging me!” (Jaime & other people had asked him before); 4) So, I danced with Craig to “I Swear”. It was so fun. Ahhhh!; 5) Hung with friends; 6) Asked Craig if he’d dance with me again. He thought about it and finally said YES!; 7) Danced with Craig (I forget what song). Ahhhh!; 8) As we danced, I asked him out. He thought & thought for the rest of the song & hung his head. He said, “I don’t really want to go out with anyone right now.” I begged him & begged him but finally I just exceeded what he said. 9) Talked with Doug some more. He said he’d talk to Craig about going out with me. Well, that was the dance! Fun beginning, tragic ending. Boo-hoo-hoo! Well, I’ve gotta go! Krista Craig hates me (I think). P.S. I touched Craig’s hair again. P.P.S. He temporarily dyed it green. P.P.P.S. The 2nd time we danced, we were really close! Ahhhh! I heart Craig!”
Okay okay sorry... I know it's been like 5 days since the last time I posted. I don't want you guys to think I'm back in the hospital again or anything crazy! I'm fine, just busy.
I also know that I previously only posted radio show clips on Mondays... but the next diary entry is going to be major and I want to give it more time than I have now. Hint: it's about me getting in BIG trouble at school.
So without any further ado, here's the long-awaited (haha riiiiight) final part of the trip to the museum. Remember, when we left off, I had just rescued my co-host Eddie and the museum curator Christina from a hole in the ground.
I physically pulled Eddie and Christina out of a deep hole using a rope and Eddie was the one who was tired and had to go home? What a wuss.
Clearly the best part of this clip was the mid-90's music montage at the end! Gotta love that.
   1. Awesome Trapper Keeper reference #2! They were such a big part of our youth. Are kids still using them today? Are there any teachers out there that can answer that?
2. Ugh. Me? Anorexic? Unfortunately I have always struggled with being naturally super skinny. And yes, I say 'unfortunately' and 'struggled' because it's embarrassing... especially in middle school when all the girls were getting curves and stuff and I still had (oh and still do have) the stick-thin unsexy body of a 10-year-old boy. Not particularly attractive.
This diary entry makes me kind of sad because it was probably one of the first times someone had accused me of being anorexic and at this point I was able to just shrug it off and call Craig "weird" for saying that. But once people bring something like that up again and again, you start to think there's something wrong with you and it's not as easy to ignore.
People thought it was funny to call me anorexic, but after awhile, saying "OMG you're SO skinny" to me felt no different than if you were to tell an overweight person, "OMG you're SOOOOO FAT!". You would never comment on a chubby person's weight like that, so what made it okay for people to openly criticize my body? It's just as hard (if not harder) for me to gain weight as it is for someone to lose weight. In middle school, I used to eat two PB&J sandwiches for lunch along with whatever other snacks I ate... which is a lot of food for a little girl, but it didn't make a difference.
I guess there's no real conclusion for this rant, so I'll stop now. Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer! :P
3. Ewww more making faces as flirting! Gross! Can. Not. Relate.
4. OMG I touched his hair! Can you believe it? Scandal! Isn't that like, what, first base with a guy? ha...
---
“October 23, 1996. Dear Yraid, Hello! I have some things to tell you that I forgot about. 1) Awhile ago we rented a movie from Blockbuster. They were giving out free stuff & I got a plastic pencil case to put in a Trapper (with zipper & 3 holes). Well somehow it got in my Math book & when I noticed it was there, I asked Craig if he wanted it. He said yes & took it. Now he has it in his Trapper holding all of his pencils! He actually uses it. Just think, every time he goes to get a pencil or just opens his Trapper, he sees the pencil case and probably thinks of me! 2) Just about every day in Math, Craig holds a pencil in front of his face, looks at it while it’s pointed at me, & says, “Whoa! Where did you go?” Most girls would take this as a complement (I kinda do) but Craig thinks I’m anorexic- at least that’s what he said. He’s so weird. 3) That weird face he does is so funny. Well, like the “Poo-poo” issue, he does that face about every day in front of me, I think , just to see me laugh. What he does is sticks his fingers in his mouth, pulls down the skin around the bottom of his eyes, looks up, & sticks out his tongue about every second. It’s so funny! I wish you could see it. 4) I touched Craig’s hair today. It feels funny! Ahhh! See ya! -Krista”
So, the other day I received an email request from my friend Shea.
She recently came across an old literary journal from college that I had contributed to and noticed the biographical statement that I had written for myself:"Krista is a senior computer science major from Erie, PA. The first poem she wrote was an ode to Shawn Hunter from Boy Meets World in fifth grade. Also, her favorite food is cheese." Shea requested that I post that very first poem here, on my blog.
Lucky for Shea (and for the rest of you), I still have the original copy of that poem. Enjoy... My biggest problem with this poem is... aside from being a word that rhymes with "Rider", what the hell is a "guider"? And how is it different from a "guide"? And how did Rider Strong personally guide... err... guider me? Did he send me secret messages in my sleep? Did I watch episodes of Boy Meets World looking for signs... maybe in the way he ran his hand through his hair? At night, did I kneel next to my bed and pray to Rider Strong? I don't get it.
I do also love that it was qualified with "all-time". As if there was a Hall of Fame for "guiders". Awesome.
As a final note: I'm pretty sure I snail mailed this poem to Rider Strong as fan mail back in the day. I wonder what he thought of this masterpiece. He never did write back. :(
---
Rider Strong
by: Krista
I love you Rider,
My all time guider.
I’m the one you never knew,
Rider I’ll always love you.
You’re the only one I love,
You’re the one I’m writing of.
You are so cute
There’s nothing more,
I’m loving you in ’94
Yes, I know. I haven't written in a week. But this time I have the mother of all excuses: I was in the hospital. Don't worry, I'm fine... still recovering, but fine. To make a long story short, I had a large (read: grapefruit-sized) ovarian cyst that ruptured. I had to have emergency surgery Friday night to remove all the blood from my abdomen and to stop any further internal bleeding. I was in the hospital for three nights and am now resting at home. Phew. What an exciting Labor Day weekend, right? :P
Onto the entry!   One of the best Mondays in history followed by one of the best Tuesdays in history?! What are the chances?! How simple life was in seventh grade. Just perceiving that a boy was acting like he liked you was enough to give your day the incredible status of one of the BEST DAYS in HISTORY.
What's the deal with me wanting to touch Craig's hair? Was this a normal desire for pre-teen girls? And get this- Craig didn't even have hair that "goes like this"... he had a buzz cut! Odd.
---
“October 22, 1996. Dear Yraid, Today is one of the best Tuesday’s in history. Today, Craig really acted like he likes me. In math we talked like usual. Nothing strange there. But in Math Content Lit is where it all changes… There was a really stern sub. She was really easy to annoy. The 1st thing she said when we all got in the classroom was, “You make it hard on me, I’ll make it even harder on you.” She was a real bitch. Anyhow, because Mrs. Chandler (the real Math teacher) didn’t leave a lesson plan, she gave us a study hall. Mark & Jaime (they sit next to each other, not by choice) were making fun of her, whispering & drawing pictures. They wanted me to sit with them. I told them that I probably wasn’t allowed. The real reason I said that is because I wanted to stay with Craig. But then Mark asked the mean teacher lady if I could sit with them. Surprisingly, she said yes! So because I was forced, I did. Craig noticed I was over there and mouthed to me, “Sit here.” I mouthed, “I’m sitting here.” He mouthed, “Sit here.” Then I again mouthed, ‘I’m sitting here.” Then he mouthed, “You’re not allowed!” I mouthed, “The teacher said I could.” Then he went back to his work with a frown. I really think he wanted me to sit with him! The teacher lady let us have a 10 min free time at the end of class. Craig came over to Mark, Jaime, & my table. We started talking. It was really funny, oh and fun. Lianna was there for part of the time. These 2 days have convinced me that Craig will most likely dance with me on the 25th. I really hope he does! God, please let Craig dance with me! Craig once in math said, “Oh, poo-poo!” I started laughing! Now he says it all the time, I think just to see me laugh. Well that’s all! -Krista I heart Craig! I want to touch Craig’s hair!”
 It's been so long that it's hard to remember the time when making weird faces was considered flirting. Similar to my thoughts on bra snapping in the last post, if an adult man today were to consistently make faces at a woman, the last thing she'd think would be, "hehe oooooh I think he likes me!!" More like, "What's the deal with THAT guy?!" Even if she was attracted to him originally, pretty sure the face-making would be an immediate turn-off. Not a turn-on.
It's an interesting thing that even though I am the same person, I can barely relate to or understand my younger self. Hm. Now that's deep. :P
---
“October 21, 1996. Dear Yraid, Today is one of the best Mondays in history. Today, Craig really acted like he likes me. Although he still makes fun of me. I forget most of the things he said to me today, but when I remember, I’ll tell you. In Science Content Lit, he was my partner. I don’t know how it actually happened, we just started working together! He does this really weird face that is so funny! You have to see it! Catch ya later! -Krista”
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